Struggles of a Teacher

How can you cope?

2011-09-20T20:53:00.006+08:00

Today, my Catholic colleague (Mr Dominic Sim) picked up the mass booklet from the staffroom printer and returned to me. He said this was probably mine. But what surprised me was his next question, "How do you cope? Still doing all this?" (He was referring to my catechism work.) It surprises me because we hardly talk although we sit facing each other.

I guess he just couldn't imagine how I can cope with two demanding jobs, school teaching as well as teaching catechism. I know he must've found it unbelievable because he is now a Senior Teacher but is no longer a catechist. I just smiled and thanked him, but I forgot to reply to him. It's enirely due to God's grace. Without His mercy and strength in me, I certainly can't do that much!

Fr Erbin once said that teaching catechism is a 24/7 vocation and so is school teaching. Very often, I wonder why does God call me to these two vocations, especially when I'm not a person who is capable in managing myself and my time well? And yet, the greatest miracle thus far in my life is I'm still surviving in these two vocations! I believe this will be one of the greatest sacred mysteries in my life.

Encouragement from 'Jesus Feeds Five Thousand'

2011-08-01T12:33:00.002+08:00

Yesterday was the last Parish Team Training session for SPP. Coincidentally, we also read about the story of 'Jesus Feeds Five Thousand'. This morning, I happened to chance upon this story again in the Gospel of Matthew and I find it so reassuring for me.

The points that struck me are
1) Jesus took the five loaves and two fish, looked up to heaven, and gave thanks to God.
2) He broke the loaves and gave them to the disciples ... (This reminds me of Fr Erbin passing the first piece of bread to me yesterday.)
3) ... and the disciples gave them to the people. (like I peeled off the second piece of bread and passed it on to my fellow catechist, Kayne. Subsequently, each catechist did the same thing.)
4) Everyone ate and had enough.
5) twelve baskets full of what was left over.
6) number of men who ate was about five thousand...

Connecting this miracle that Jesus performed to our work in the children catechism ministry, I realise that I don't have to underestimate myself due to my inadequate knowledge or experience or amount of time I can afford to dedicate to this ministry. Each of us has to face our own constraints and difficulties in life. For most catechists including me, I guess the biggest challenge is how to grapple with our careers / studies and church work. Those who are married will have one additional dimension to add on to this struggle: family life. But this Gospel story reminds all of us that regardless of all these, as long as we offer up to God any little amount of time, energy or knowledge that we have, God will equip each of us with His graces and strength to enable us to continue to spread the Good News, and He in turn will bless each of our catechetical session and transform it into spiritual 'food' to feed the young people that we catechize.

Since Jesus Christ is our only Teacher, pray to him and ask for his divine help to transform each catechetical session that we have tried to put our best effort to prepare.

May our loving God sustain each one of you with His wisdom, strength and fervour for building up His Kingdom.

With love, prayers and peace,
Veronica

天主怜悯我

2011-07-14T19:07:00.004+08:00

林长震神父曾在最近的避静说过当神父的应该觉得是天主怜悯他们，才召选他们当神父。天主白白地赐给神父们恩宠，但却没有拿走他们的软弱，他们得背着自己的软弱，走这条神职人员的圣召道路。若天主拿走了每个神父的软弱，那神父们已经不是人了。
　　　我虽然不是修女，但我越来越觉得我能够在学校当一个全职的英文教师及在教堂当要理班老师，甚至是要理班的总负责人，确实是天主赐给我的一个浩大的恩宠。不知不觉，我已在教育界迈入第十个年头，而在要理班也服务了五年。凭我这个软弱的罪人，怎么能够身兼这两种备受人类尊崇的工作？
　　　我不认为自己的英文可以和洋人一较高下，因为我是来自讲华语及方言的家庭。读书时，在‘O’和‘A’水准考试中，我只考获中庸的英文等级，从来没有考到优等的分数。虽然自己是要理老师，但我还没彻底地认识整部圣经，更未掌握天主教的所有教义。坦白说，偶尔办告解时，还会忘记怎样念悔罪经，只好支吾搪塞。更可耻的是，到现在，我还诫不了迟到的坏习惯。往往每天早上，不是得搭德士已避免迟到，就是沦落在校外‘罚站’，等候升旗礼完毕为止。这样的一个人，何德何能能够当灵魂的工程师，众学生的榜样呢？这岂不是天主的仁慈吗？想到这，我不知如何回报天主的大爱。但仍然必须天天面对自己的软弱走下去... ...但愿有一天，我能脱离这些软弱的束缚，若不能的话，只求它将成为彰显天主威能的工具，间接地荣耀天主。

Greed

2011-06-16T23:52:00.004+08:00

Luke 16: 11-12
If, therefore, you are not trustworthy with dishonest wealth, who will trust you with true wealth? If you are not trustworthy with what belongs to another, who will give you what is yours?

Discernment Once More

2011-06-10T16:33:00.003+08:00

Initially, when I saw these video clips, I thought that I appear to manifest some of these signs... But now, I think it's just another wishful thinking because I'm not in the least holy at all.

No Love? No Dream?

2011-06-03T01:21:00.002+08:00

Today, I saw this slogan on a T-shirt.

3 essentials of happiness:

Find something you love to do.

Find someone you love.

Find something you can dream about.

I try to reply to these 3 questions.

Yes, I can often find something interesting to do.

But I don't seem to have someone I love. I'm also not sure whether I do love God?

I also don't have things to dream about anymore.

4th - 6th Sorrows of Our Lady

2010-12-23T19:02:00.006+08:00

While the world encourages us to get out of our suffering, Jesus Christ wants us to regard every suffering as super-naturally fruitful, either for me or for another individual. It's a mystical process of the release of God's grace. Jesus Christ is inviting us to imitate Mother Mary, to be a co-redemptorist.

http://www.godtube.com/watch/?v=DY7P6PNX

I'm becoming curious with the spirituality of Our Lady of Sorrows. Before the labyrinth walk during the CCD Retreat, I asked God to tell me why Fr Anselm had said that my relationship with my mum is an unhealthy one. What's the role of my mum in my life?
After the labyrinth walk, when I returned to the hut, the first thing that caught my eyes was a wooden picture of Mother Mary at the foot of the cross when Jesus was crucified. I asked Sr, "What does that picture show?" She replied, "It's Our Lady of Sorrows." (whose spirituality was adopted by the Canossians Convent)
Perplexed...

God's Quiet Waters For Me- Coral Sec

2010-12-15T18:16:00.008+08:00

A lot of my colleagues have left Coral Sec for various reasons. Some have considered to leave before and some are contemplating to leave the school. Me? I was posted to Coral since Term 2 of 2004. In a fleeting glimpse, more than 6 years passed. I have not only managed to survive there as an ordinary English teacher but am fortunate enough to be 'flourishing' in my involvement in church activities, particularly in the Children Catechetical Ministry.

I had also considered leaving the school twice. The first time was to intend to pursue full-time Masters course at NIE about two years ago and the second time took place during the end of first semester 2010 when I was pondering to switch to another school. After praying, I gave up the idea or so-called 'ambition' of getting a more 'worthy' academic qualification. It was this scripture verse that changed my mind: "For in union with Christ you have become rich in all things, including all speech and all knowledge." (1 Cor 1: 5) For the second time, I did try to look for suitable vacancies in my preferred schools and institutions during the Open Posting period, but to no avail. On both occasions, I took it as God's will for me to stay in my current school.

Recently, I'm reading a book entitled A Shepherd Looks at Psalm 23 by W. Phillip Keller. Through reading this book, I realised that this somewhat disagreeable working place that Lord

Jesus Christ had led me to is actually the best place for me. If I were in other schools where work is more demanding, I would not have been able to multi-task and perform my duties both in school and at church. Of course, there's still much room for improvement in terms of my efficiency in performing these multiple roles in my life, but at least, I'm surviving under God's protective mantle, which I truly must be grateful about it.

In my deep reflection, I soon discover that God is with me in this seemingly 'horrible' place. It is in Coral Sec that I discover that only He can satisfy me, nothing else. I not only receive God's comforting grace there, but also God's discipline on me. (Yeah! Don't be surprised, my friends or students! Teachers / Catechists also need to be disciplined by God! Haha! That's human weaknesses!) I also gradually understand His purpose and meaning of arranging all the events in my life. It is like all the pieces falling into place and sorting themselves out into a definite pattern of usefulness. Such a realisation is so refreshing and invigorating! Thereafter, the peace of God reigns in my heart and I am resolute to stay in Coral Sec because I know that's the quiet waters that God has led me to, the only place where I can quench my thirst. I'm contented.

Trust Fall (Experiment in 2010 CCD Retreat)

2010-11-25T00:00:00.001+08:00

This was where Alycia couldn't trust Patrick (who was acting as Jesus)! Haha!

Anyway, these are some pertinent learning points:

Don't limit or underestimate Jesus' capability according to human perceptions.
Let your faith overcome your fear.
True wisdom consists of obeying God; and in knowing that God is Supreme.

Cartoon Retreat (in 2010 CCD Retreat)

2010-11-18T19:49:00.004+08:00

You'll never know what God has in store for you. It's beyond your realms of imagination!

Hymns for 2010 CCD Retreat

2010-11-13T17:26:00.002+08:00

On Eagles Wings

The Power of Your Love

When I used this hymn to conclude this retreat, I simply could not sing along anymore.

ACCC2 Retreat

2010-11-12T00:21:00.003+08:00

I would like to take this opportunity to express my gratitude to Fr Anselm for sponsoring me to attend the ACCC. I hesitated taking it up at first, but after the first session, I already know that I have absolutely no regrets for attending this course. Indeed, absolutely no regrets.

Firstly, this course has changed my perceptions and understanding of catechism radically. Secondly, towards the later part of the course, especially during the retreat, it becomes like a personal conversion experience for me. Whilst having all sorts of plans and initiatives for CCD swirling in my mind, I am reminded by Jesus to be faithful to Him in the little things as well. In short, if I want to do catechesis well, I have to buck up on my personal discipline, in the aspects of setting a better example for students as well as gaining more familiarity with biblical knowledge, traditions of the Church and all the doctrines of Catholic faith. I'm actually a far way off from there.....

That day, I did not know where I managed to gather the courage and feel the compelling urge to share my struggles with the whole group of retreat participants. I actually broke down in front of the audience! Unbelievable! During Mass, I was so touched by the Holy Spirit that my eyes were overwhelmed with tears. Through this retreat, I also realise God's immense and incredible love for me, the endless comforting that keeps flowing into my heart, and I realise my poverty as well, and the fact that I'm being drawn closer to the light of Christ. Yeah! Praise the Lord! Alleluia!

Batam Trip May 2010 (2)

2010-08-10T15:02:00.006+08:00

My First Hotel Stay!

Breathtaking scenery from my hotel room's window! It's something I can't get to see from my HDB flat in Singapore! I was simply ecstatic beyond words.

The interior of my hotel room. Isn't it simple yet cosy? Most importantly, it's SPACIOUS!

Hee... I'm like a swagu, a frog in a well.

Batam Trip May 2010 (1)

2010-07-10T21:13:00.017+08:00

Seeing these children selling newspapers on the streets has a therapeutic effect on me. According to the tour guide, most of these children are very poor and have very complex family backgrounds as Indonesian men normally marry a number of wives! But they are so simple and ebullient children! When they see a bus full of tourists, they will wave frantically at us, smile joyfully and even jump up and down, to their delight!

As I looked at them through the bus window, I felt that relative to their plight, I am really fortunate, regardless of the conflicts or pressures that had occurred between my mum and me. I truly should have nothing to lament about.

My Gospel Reflection 3 (Matt 16: 13-19)

2010-06-25T12:48:00.001+08:00

Although Simon Peter acknowledged that Jesus is Christ and Son of the living God then, he eventually denied knowing Jesus three times. Jesus clearly could forsee that happening but He still trusted Peter and declared him as the rock, on which He would build his Church. This shows that Jesus does not label others and thereafter condemns them. Instead, Jesus is ultra-magnanimous and merciful. Jesus had not only regarded Peter as worthy to serve Him, but even appointed him as leader of His Church. All human beings are weak in certain ways, but have we ever then disregard any person’s value because of their flaws? If that is the case, are we still imitating Christ?

In addition, Jesus told Peter, “I will give you the keys of the kingdom of heaven: whatever you bind on earth shall be considered bound in heaven; whatever you loose on earth shall be consider loosed in heaven.” Having keys of something means that you have access to something and for Peter, Jesus gave him the authority to determine who should enter the gates of heaven. Imagine if Peter were someone who abused his authority, wouldn’t heaven be in chaos? Hence, first of all, a spirit-filled leader should have humility and recognize that without God, nothing can be achieved. In all our work, we should strive to love Him, serve Him with a pure heart, and seek to exalt Him. The second essential quality is to act in righteousness, thereby showing obedience to our Lord. Finally, spirit-filled leaders are mindful that they are only stewards of whatever ministries they are called to lead and thus the need to demonstrate accountability, both in terms of material resources as well as the spiritual well-being of their people.

My Gospel Reflection 2 (Luke 9: 18-24)

2010-06-11T06:46:00.001+08:00

“If anyone wants to be a follower of mine, let him renounce himself and take up his cross every day and follow me.” What is the meaning of to ‘renounce’ yourself? It means giving up voluntarily something, for instance the worldly pleasures, our human nature and desires. Taking up our crosses every day to follow Christ is never easy, but as long as we choose to walk in the light of Christ, God is always with us. God, our Heavenly Father, will send the Holy Spirit to teach us everything and make us remember all His teachings.

Moreover, The Christ of God was also not spared from the suffering. Jesus had chosen to fulfill His Heavenly Father’s will and was thus subjected to rejection, humiliation, physical torture, and later crucifixion. But Jesus was raised up on the third day! He had taken precedence over us, so what else should we fear when following him?

Reflection on Day 16

2010-06-10T16:39:00.003+08:00

Qn: Honestly, are relationships my first priority?
Ans: Honestly, relationships with people is never my top priority, partly because I believe people tend to be unfaithful. Even if they can be loyal to you, circumstances change and this causes relationships to fade. Just like the way I'm slowly losing touch with my primary, secondary, junior college and even NIE friends. Hence, to prevent such a disappointment, I often remind myself not to commit deeply to any relationship, lest I can't take the emptyness of losing a friend.
In recent years, I also increasingly feel that only God's love for me is eternal and ever-present, which transcends all time and physical constraints, NOT even friendship. Hence, I often prefer solitude, which allows me to be in communion with God. God is forever there for me, despite my busy schedule and despite my sinfulness.
Until in Parish Assembly held at my church towards end of 2009, God sent Uncle Louis and Uncle Peter to tell me that spirituality is not only about your personal relationship with God, but it's also about how you spread the love you receive from God to others. I was stumped!

Qn: How can I ensure that relationships is now my first priority?
Ans: Having a mother who has a lot of hidden insecurity, I can only do my utmost to preserve my relationship with her. I had tried different approaches or 'schemes' to get a little freedom, but they all failed. Each time, we ended up in great agony, adding onto our emotional scars.
Fortunately, by the grace of God, my craving for freedom has somehow mysteriously disappeared. I no longer want to try to engage myself in activities in an attempt to escape from her. I now only pray that she has no more misunderstandings about me, that's all!

However, this means that I would have no choice but to regard friendship as less important. It's not that I don't appreciate true friends, or I don't need them, but it's just that I can't do much for them, given my unique family situation. I'm sincerely sorry, Angeline!

Day 16 - What Matters Most

2010-06-10T02:38:00.005+08:00

Life is all about love.
It is in loving that we are most like Him.
"The whole Law can be summoned up in this one command: 'Love others as you love yourself.' " (Galatians 5: 14)
Love cannot be learned in isolation. To develop the skill of loving, you have to be around people -- irritating, imperfect, frustrating people.

Relationships must have priority in your life above everything else. Why?
1) Life without love is really worthless.

Often we act as if relationships are something to be squeezed into our schedule. But God says relationships are what life is all about.
Four of the Ten Commandments deal with our relationship to God while the other six deal with our relationships with people.
Paul said, "No matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I'm bankrupt without love." ( 1 Corinthians 13:3)
Relationships, not achievements or the acquisition of things, are what matters most in life.
Busyness is a great enemy of relationships. (Is Coral slowly eroding our friendship? We see each other every day but we just don't have the time for a heart-to-heart chat?)

2) Love will last forever.
Love leaves a legacy. How you treated other people is the most enduring impact you can leave on earth. (A surge of warmth rose in my heart when I saw Zhan Ying and Agnes Lim that night outside Tampines One, running towards me from a far distance, shouting, "Miss Lee." Then, we met each other again at Tampines bus interchange and had quite a long chat.)

3) We will be evaluated on our love.
One of the ways God measures spiritual maturity is by the quality of your relationships.
God will review how we treated other people, particularly those in need.

The Best Expression of Love is Time

Time is your most precious gift because you only have a set amount of it. You can make more money, but you can't make more time. When you give someone your time, you are giving them a portion of your life that you'll never get back. That is why the greatest gift you can give someone is your time.
The most desired gift of love is focused attention.
Whenever you give your time, you are making a sacrifice, and sacrifice is the essence of love.
Love means giving up - yielding my preferences, comfort, goals, security, money, energy, or time for the benefit of someone else. (And I think very often, love also means giving up your dignity or so-called 'face'.)

(My top three priorities these two years have been school work, church work and spending time with my mum. I'm already struggling to juggle my time between these three priorities. When school term starts, I will have to focus on school work followed by spending time with my mum. When holiday starts, I will switch my focus to catechism ministry work followed by spending time with my mum. My life is very much driven by work. Reading, blogging and praying in the adoration room are the only times I leave for myself. I have no complaints, especially about my heavy responsibility in the catechism ministry.

My only regret is I can't afford to spend more time with my best friend, Angeline. She's the only one who seems to have telepathy with me. She can sense that I'm upset or behaving rather awkwardly even when we don't get to talk face-to-face. I truly thank God for giving me such a close and reliable buddy but I often feel guilty for not being able to keep her company for as often as I would wish to. Many times, when she asked me out, I had to reject her for various reasons. This year, when she most needed a listening ear, I wasn't by her side as well. In fact, our communication with each other this year is more on sms rather than talking face to face.)

The Best Time to Love is Now

Because you don't know how long you will have the opportunity.
Circumstances change. You have no guarantee of tomorrow.
If you want to express love, you had better do it now.

- taken from Rick Warren's The Purpose-Driven Life.

My Gospel Reflection 1 (Luke 7: 36- 8: 3)

2010-06-05T11:04:00.006+08:00

This is the first time I wrote a Gospel reflection. Thanks to the inspiration given by the Holy Spirit. Praise the Lord! (Anyway, I'm not that pious or hardworking. As part of the Lectors' Ministry duty, we have to write Gospel reflections for my church bulletin for a month. Since I've written, might as well post it on my blog! :>)

The theme for this week's Eucharistic celebration is the forgiving Christ. Indeed, Christ's mercy is once again manifested in today's Gospel reading. However, I am even more stricken by the courageous acts of the woman. Despite being aware of others' condescending looks on her, she slipped into the Pharisee's house. She wept profusely as she was deeply repentant for her bad life. When her tears dropped on Jesus' feet, she wiped them away with a woman's prized possession - her hair. Then, she kissed Jesus' feet and poured perfumed ointment on them. She was an uninvited guest or might be regarded as a trespasser, but she was doing all the gestures of hospitality that a good host should show for his guest. In contrast, the Pharisee who had invited Jesus to his house did not do anything to welcome Jesus, not even the basic courteous act of washing a guest's feet with water. But this repentant woman risked being accused of showing audacity in her process of seeking forgiveness from Christ. Look, just how determined and fearless she was!

When we commit a sin, do we have the courage to confess to God? Do we dare to seek God's pardon and mercy? Are we just as determined to restore our relationship with God by getting our sins removed or are we still hindered by pride or fear of embarrassment?

比坦

2010-05-25T18:24:00.003+08:00

你为什么像比坦一样永远不相信我？你为什么像比坦一样永远怀疑我？
我也许是自私点，也许疏忽了，也许懒惰，更也许不懂得什么是真爱和自我牺牲的精神，但我敢对主发誓我从来没有瞧不起你，从来没有因自己是大学生而鄙视你，更没有嫌弃你与我参加同一个教会团体。为什么你偏要说我歧视你，甚至算计你，谋害你？
难道就因为我是瘟神的种？难道就因为我是瘟神的种，圣神就不可能在我身上运作，使我改变过去的陋习吗？
我心碎了。你一直坚持说我走歪路了，去为魔鬼服务了，违反了天主的十诫。
你一直在我耳边说我嫌弃你，不孝顺你。难道我潜意识中真的有这样想过吗？我已迷惘了。天主，到底祢让这个误会产生，是真的为了警告我已失去纯洁的灵魂，开始高傲起来，还是祢要考验我是否会效仿祢被订在十字架上默默地坚忍一切不公平的斥责？天主，我不愿迷失自己，祢是最洞悉一切的主，若我内心深处真的有丝毫鄙视比坦的念头，就请你带我的灵魂走吧！若没有的话，就请你通过圣神赐给我力量及更多的爱德去更加细心爱护和宽恕比坦，而不要在乎个人的自尊及谁对谁错。

Coughing

2010-05-22T21:31:00.009+08:00

Very often, in Coral, when confronted by ultra-hectic schedules and approaching deadlines, I often wished to fall sick so that I can get mcs, which is a form of respite for me.

God has somehow 'granted' my wish. First, I fell down at the altar steps when I was doing my lector duty, which caused me to visit a Chinese physician. After completing the Chinese medicine, I soon developed a long period of cough and flu. It drags on for about a month ever since after Crescendo till now. After visiting my usual family doctor four times, I still could not recover, until recently, I had to switch to another private clinic. Indeed, in total, I managed to take about four to five days of mcs during this most stressful exam period.

However, for the first time in my life, I experienced what it means by vulnerability, both physically and emotionally. (I don't recall having such feelings even when I was contracted with Hand Foot Mouth disease two years ago.) I often felt the rumbling of phlegm in my chest when I tried to raise my voice, when I tried to say something, when I sang hymns, and even when I walked faster. I remember myself coughing incessantly while invigilating in the hall after darting to and fro to give foolscap papers to those candidates who need extra writing materials. At that moment, I felt so weak and defenseless, like an old woman. (I often take pride in myself for being the swiftest and probably most alert invigilator.) Suddenly, the self-confident image was crumbled to pieces. I have never felt so 'weak' before.

Worse still, what the doctors had said stirred up my worst imagination. Both doctors said that if I still did not show any apparent signs of recovery, I might have to take an X-ray picture of my lungs, for fear that I might get tuberculosis.

Anyway, thank God for my gradual recovery now. After this long period of sickness, I tell myself I will not hope to fall sick anymore, with the intention of escaping from the bustling working life.

Qualities of St Joseph and Messiah

2009-12-21T13:32:00.003+08:00

1) Righteousness
2) Sensitivity
3) Responsiveness to God
4) Self-discipline

- taken from Fr Thomas' homily

For me, although I'm a leader in the Catechetical Ministry now, I have yet to possess all the four desirable qualities of St Joseph and Messiah. However, I feel that God is rescuing me from my hideous sinful nature and is trying to develop these four qualities in me through the people around me, at home, in school and in church. At least, my heart is being stirred up by the Holy Spirit and I'm now more watchful of my real intentions and attitudes behind my actions. Praise the Lord! Thank you, Lord Jesus!

The Awakening 2

2009-12-04T21:24:00.006+08:00

Indeed, I’m quite certain that this book was hand-picked for me by God Himself. If not, I can’t explain why I got so immensely attracted to this book after browsing through a few pages of it and without hesitation, I borrowed it instantly as if it contains the answers I need.

After reading this section entitled “Goodness and Rightness” in this book, it starts to dawn on me that I’m indeed a bad daughter. In addition, many events that happened to my church life recently point out that I have no real love for my mum. I think my love for my pupils and even for my stuffed toys can surpass the ‘love’ for my mum. I hate my mum for restricting my freedom. I hate my mum for not trusting me enough. I hate my mum for accusing me of harbouring selfish or evil intentions when I can swear that I do not have such intentions at all. I hate my mum for accusing me of flaring up when my temper hasn’t even risen. I hate my mum MOST when she says that I resemble my sickening Dad and cannot notice that I’m already striving to change for the better, by the grace and salvation of God, although certainly not perfect yet! Because of all that, I’m deeply agitated with my mum and I find that sometimes, her words just rouse more resentment and anger in me. This is the brokenness that is rampant in my apparently ‘close’ relationship with my mother.

My heart is getting more unsettled and disturbed these days. I used to think that I’m a filial and obedient daughter who sacrifices my time for my mum and she really should not ask for more, comparing myself to contemporary teenagers who seldom go out or spend their leisure time with their parents. But recently, God seems to be reproaching and has been bombarding me with Bible phrases like ‘do not harden our hearts’, ‘it is kindness that I want, not animal sacrifices’, ‘put on sincere love’, ‘not grow tired of doing good’ and the like. These biblical messages and the current circumstances have stirred me tremendously out of my comfort zone.

All along, I assumed the fault lies in my mother for hurting me. But this book has made me realize that children need to show a greater tolerance and appreciation for their parents’ limitations and recognize that being also humans, they are capable of inflicting pain on us too. However, parents are not wrong because they still love their children. On the contrary, I have high expectations of them since parents are the role models and our closest ones. I strongly felt that all the more, they should not hurt their children. That’s why I often collapse into tears whenever my mum accuses me, and my mum will take that crying as a sign of my meekness. But I can’t tell her the truth that she has accused me and even if I try, both parties will get ‘hotter’. She’ll never understand.

The solutions to my predicament are to practise sorrowful obedience in addition to simply joyful obedience (mentioned in Fr Thomas’ homily) and to take refuge in Lord Jesus. In other words, gladly accept these unfair treatments as a kind of suffering and trial that God our Father wants me to undergo and triumph over it. Continue to see the face of our Heavenly Father in my mum’s face, no matter how ‘unreasonable’ she may sometimes be, because ultimately, she still loves me. Love prevails and reigns! When tensions are running high at home, focus on the Lord for He is my rock and refuge. Focus on the Lord's love for me and thus in gratitude, I should avoid sin. Do NOT focus on preserving my dignity.

Last but not the least, one comforting message that I get from this book is the more I’m made aware of my own flaws in my character, I’m actually being drawn closer to God. Allelujah!

Lord, I thank you for sustaining me and allowing me to grow through this awakening. Thank you for letting me to come out of my shell of complacency. I pray that you will give me the strength and grace to show genuine love to my mum. Strengthen me in faith to allow me to surrender and trust in You.

Goodness and Rightness

2009-12-04T21:18:00.002+08:00

1) The key to morality is to strive to know the right and to do it. Otherwise, we are bad.
2) Morals are matters of love, are matters of effort.
3) Real sin is the failure to act, the failure to love. In fact, throughout the Gospels, sin is not attributed to obvious wrongdoers, but consistently to those who don’t bother to love.
4) What have I done for Christ? What am I doing for Christ? What will I do for Christ?
5) Appreciate that parents have limitations and recognize that parents are capable of causing considerable harm. The parent may be wrong, but not because of any failure to love.
6) Hearts of sinners have not been “bothered” or “unsettled”; they are content, complacent, resting assured.
7) We ought to be modest about our self-understanding. In terms of rightness, we might be more upright. In terms of goodness, we might not necessarily be more loving.
8) For our lives are not personal achievements. What we have now in our lives is not an accomplishment, but a gift.
9) As saints get older, they realize that there is plenty for them to be thankful for because of God’s mercy. They also grow in the self-understanding that they are probably not as good as they thought they were.
10) As people get closer to God, they realize that most of the light is radiating from God onto themselves, and not, vice versa.
- extracted from James F. Keenan, S.J. Commandments of Compassion

The Awakening 1

2009-12-04T19:43:00.005+08:00

It was my first visit to the Catholic Welfare Centre library at Waterloo Street next to my church. I went there with two senior catechists. I was feeling rather upset deep inside my heart because of the conflicts I had with my mum earlier. She scolded me for not answering her phone calls when I had switched it on silent mode during a course. She accused me for desiring to be in different groups as her during the Chinese Bible class whenever we draw lots. I was most stunned and saddened by her false accusations. In the quarrelling process, she complained that the main reason is because I never place her in my top priority. Later, in retrospect, I realized this could be true and that is why I have seldom or never considered her needs, which adds on to her level of insecurity and anxiety. I do not have compassion for my mum and only think of defending myself whenever she accuses me.

During catechism class this morning, I asked my pupils to think of three guiding values in a family and surprisingly, one of them said humility and another said stupidity. Aaron then asked me whether I had gotten angry before. I mustered my courage and shared with them my ‘suffering’ the day before. After recounting my disagreement with my mother in tears, I told them that I initially thought that truth should be an essential value that governs all interactions within the family. But I now realize that love is the more important ingredient that binds a family closer together. If you sincerely love your family members, then you will not do anything to destroy the intimate relationships, not even fighting for your own justice. However, this is something I have failed to do and God was telling me through my pupils to be more humble and even to claim ‘stupid’ if necessary to maintain peace and harmony in the family.

On the same day inside the library, Agatha reminded me that what matters most is not doing all the big things or projects for Christ. But in fact, the tests of our faithfulness come in the form of whether we choose to obey Christ in all the small things that we do in our daily lives. That is truly an apt reminder for me, especially in all my communications with mum, which I must remember for the rest of my life as I dedicate myself to the service for God.

2009 Chinese New Year Collage

2009-11-28T02:09:00.002+08:00

Gokusen 2009 The Movie Trailer

2009-11-27T05:54:00.002+08:00

Yakumi's simply my heroine! (But I haven't watched the movie yet. :<)

A Worth of Sacrifice / The Bridge

2009-11-27T05:21:00.001+08:00

Have you ever questioned God’s love for you? When things do not go the way we want them to, we question God’s presence amongst the trials and difficulties we face. However what we often forget is the immense love it took for our Heavenly Father to even send his one and only Son down to suffer and die for us- people who weren’t even worthy to be saved. Watch this video and be reminded of how much God loves you.

“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.”- Jn 3:16

Graffiti Bridge to Life

2009-11-27T05:11:00.001+08:00

Watch how the Gospel is represented in this awesome combination of graffiti and hip hop. It will certainly connect with your youthful heart. Enjoy!

The Stool

2009-11-27T05:02:00.002+08:00

Although we know that God will make the best decisions for us, to what extent do we have no qualms in allowing Jesus to sit on the driver’s seat and to steer our lives according to His plan? Do we show complete obedience to Jesus even when we do not agree with the decisions He makes for us? Let us reflect whether we are still directed by our own desires.

Day 15- Formed for God's Family

2009-11-20T15:13:00.004+08:00

Benefits of Being in God's Family

1) We will get to be with God forever.
2) We will be completely changed to be like Christ. (Still being pruned by God and in the process, I realise more and more of my shortcomings and sinfulness.)
3) We will be freed from all pain, death and suffering. (Not exactly true. All Christians are required to carry our own crosses / bear with our suffering, but we wait in patience and hope as we trust that our Lord Jesus will carry us along.)
4) We will be rewarded and reassigned positions of service. (I'm often being condemned both in my mother's and school leader's eyes, but somehow God is the only one who lifts me up and assigns me
a position of responsibility in the catechism class ministry- the Overall Coordinator. It seems like only God can see the value in me and nobody else appreciates me.)
5) We will get to share in Christ's glory.

The riches of his grace such as kindness, patience, glory, wisdom, power and mercy will pour on us abundantly on Earth.
But in eternity, we will inherit even more.

- taken from Rick Warren's The Purpose-Driven Life

Lectors' Commissioning 2009 at SPP

2009-11-11T21:09:00.009+08:00

Freedom and Filial Piety

2009-09-05T20:08:00.004+08:00

Yesterday, in the midst of Mum's scolding, she suddenly asked me to recall what Father Thomas had advised me in terms of my role in my family. I have really forgotten that advice in the hustle and bustle of my teaching life, but Mum's question suddenly jerked those words out of the back of my mind.

"My role in my family (single-parent) is not only as a daughter, but I also should be a husband to my mother."

Taken aback by the double roles that I have to fulfill, I realise my actions so far have not assured my mother that she is well-appreciated in my heart. Although whatever I did may be common among my peers, such as not calling back home automatically and regularly every day, it does make her uneasy while for me, it is no great deal! When her level of anxiety rises, so does her intensity of rage. Consequently, all kinds of abusive remarks and wrong accusations fall on my ears and pierce my heart.

If you ask me how I feel, of course I would feel enraged! In my sadness, I will often lament about my extremely deprived freedom. But WHAT CAN I DO? I realise God demands me to do more to show that I'm a filial child for my mother who is deprived of love. She's deprived of parental love since young (sold as a child), sibling love, genuine love of a husband and friendship, so I CAN'T possibly let her be deprived of kinship love from a daughter! Maybe I should put it this way: I can't even do anything that possibly suggest to her that she has no place in my heart.

However, I feel really miserable because I can't suppress my craving for freedom! I can't be like any other middle-aged singles who can go out with friends for a movie or shopping anytime! Why?

As I was preparing for tomorrow's catechism class, I saw what Mother Teresa said,
"The most terrible poverty is loneliness and the feeling of being unloved. ... We must start in our homes to remedy this kind of poverty." (I remember Father Thomas said that before in one of his homilies a long time ago, as if God is reminding me of His commandment of love.)

Lord, please help me to surrender my desire for freedom and sacrifice my own will for the love of my mother! I admit by my selfish nature, I have no power to do that willingly and persistently, but I trust that I can do it one day, with God's grace and divine mercy. (I don't want to wait till the day my mother leaves this world before I sincerely repent my mistake and change.)

Unjust Punishment

2009-09-03T21:59:00.002+08:00

She was bathing and called me when I just sat down on the sofa in the living room to take things from my file. Admittedly, I did answer back in an unpleasant tone, thinking that why she still wanted to chat with me when she was still stuck in the bathroom.

Then, there goes my opportunity to attend PROM Night and LISS Seminar. Sickening! Just a few hours ago, she had still agreed to let me go for PROM Night and now, it's all gone! Absolutely no room for negotiation! What followed was a series of ranting! Ya, yaya! My attitude and behaviour are not exemplary at all and I have not conducted myself well as a teacher, catechist and a lector. In your eyes, I'm always a "tor sui ka" (in Cantonese), all because I'm the descendant of my sickening Dad (瘟神的种)! I will never grow up and mature in your eyes! If I don't fall into the trap of this self-fulfilling prophecy, it is all by God's grace!

I think I'll never get my freedom as an ADULT!

失落

2009-08-14T18:00:00.002+08:00

到底我付出的心血会不会化成一江春水向东流？

Shocking and Biblical Youth Message

2009-07-19T01:20:00.002+08:00

This is a shockingly powerful and biblical message preached to about 5,000 youths. This sermon prompts youths or even adults that are drawn to worldly behaviours and pleasures to really examine ourselves. Are we genuine Christians? What’s a true conversion? Do all of us receive salvation just by mere faith in Jesus Christ?

The renowned preacher, Paul Washer, urges us not to compare ourselves to the world, but to compare ourselves to the Scriptures. If we profess to walk in the narrow way, we should walk in the way of righteousness as a style of life. Continuous repentance is the key.

With God, There's No Mission Impossible!

2009-06-19T19:09:00.010+08:00

“I do not live anymore- it is Christ who lives in me. I still live in my body, but I live by faith in the Son of God who loved me and gave himself to save me.”
[Gal 2: 20]

Truly, I would not dare to embark on this project if I had been my usual self. I say that because I have neither attended nor organized any camps before in my entire life. Also, given my career-minded nature, I would never have imagined myself to be so actively involved in doing church work! Now, in retrospect, I do not quite understand why I had the courage to agree to organize i-Paul Camp a second time last year, knowing the possible obstacles lying ahead. Would there be sufficient number of participants? Would there be adequate catechists helping? Would I have the time and ability to juggle both this camp and my school work? These questions had never failed to surround me ever since I said, “Yes.”

Within these six months, I experienced God’s divine consolation and aid as well as the additional tests He bestowed on me. At the initial stage of the planning phase, through the Holy Spirit, God gave me the inspiration for the camp’s theme and the main programmes. However, when the camp was originally scheduled to be conducted during the March holidays, we received very little response. Only 3 students from Church of St Michael and 9 students from Church of St Bernadette registered for the camp. We had not yet invited students in our own catechism classes because we were then busy with preparing our students for the Stations of the Cross skit. We then decided to postpone the camp to end of May. After praying to Infant Jesus, the Lord generously blessed us with the participation of the entire CCD ministry from Church of St Bernadette. They brought in 98 students and 25 catechists to help us. Including Church of Our Lady of Lourdes Church of St Michael and our church, eventually, a total of 144 students took part in the camp and there were 52 adults helping. Isn’t this like the multiplication of fish and bread?

Initially, I only planned to conduct the camp for upper primary pupils in order to keep the camp at a manageable scale. However, it seemed that the Holy Spirit was nudging me through Patricia, the CCD co-ordinator of Church of St Bernadette, to expand the camp and open it to firstly secondary pupils and then followed by lower primary pupils. Although God gave me such challenges, He never left me alone to think of solutions. As time passed, I drew inspiration from other church activities and even from my school activities. That was how I thought of having Amazing Race for lower primary segment and the movie retreat for the secondary session. By the grace of the Holy Spirit, I also managed to think of ways to overcome some logistic constraints.

About a week prior to the camp, I felt totally beaten by stress and anxiety as the day to return my pupils their exam scripts drew near. At that time, I still had four sets of exam papers unmarked and the camp was going to be held on that Saturday, 23 May. There were some other things I had to prepare for the camp but I had not started doing them yet. Fear began to overtake me. I was afraid that I could not finish marking my exam papers on time and thus, could not do a good job in organizing and delivering part of the upper primary programme of the camp. Doubts of my own capability proliferated in my mind. Just when I was worn down by weariness and distress by these two seemingly insurmountable tasks, our Heavenly Father stretched out a loving hand, and let me came across two articles online that taught me immediately what I should do.

From these two articles, I realized that God measures each trial carefully before assigning them to us. He measures them out with the provision that you and I get a hold of His grace through that trial. To put it simply, each trial is weighed out in such a way that the Lord knows we can only go through it with His grace. The second article has convinced me to cry to the Lord for help “for the Lord is the strength of my life, of whom shall I be afraid?” (Psalm 27:1) Instantly, I knew just what to do- to pray to our Lord in great desperation to seek His grace, strength and wisdom. Indeed, the turbulent waves of anxiety calmed down in my heart after praying as I dismissed all disturbing thoughts and concentrated on the tasks at hand, one at a time.

But that was not the end of God’s testing on me. When I returned to school on Monday, which was a Marking Day for teachers, my Head of Department (HOD) broke a ‘disastrous’ piece of news to me. She reminded me that the Principal had wanted all teachers of graduating classes to key in the exam results two days before the official deadline, which was by Wednesday instead of by Friday. I was utterly shocked and was totally weakened! All my renewed hopes shattered! As I climbed up the stairs to my secluded marking place, my classroom on the top floor, I could not hide my feelings anymore and literally scream out to the Lord in great despair! I cried out, “Lord Jesus! Why did you give me this cross to bear? How am I going to meet my marking deadline? What should I do?” I was about to break down in tears when suddenly a positive idea struck my mind: Maybe this is God’s way of helping me to manage my time. When the school compelled me to complete my marking and keying in of marks earlier, I could then focus all my energy to complete school work first and devote the last two days entirely for the camp preparation. Otherwise, I would still be multi-tasking throughout these five days before 23 May, without knowing which one to focus first. Once I switched my perspective to look at this apparently ‘harsh’ arrangement from a positive angle, I felt instant relief.

Praise the Lord! By the peace and strength of God that dwelled in my heart, I seemed to be able to mark more efficiently. By Wednesday evening, I was only left with about four compositions before I set off to church to help wrap the goodie bags. Till now, I am still puzzled about why I had mustered the courage to inform the Principal that my classes’ results would only be keyed in on Thursday morning and to apologize for the delay. I had never been so forthright to my superiors before, especially in admitting my shortcomings to them and seeking their forgiveness. To my pleasant surprise, the Principal just explained to me in a friendly manner the reason why she had requested for an earlier submission of marks for the graduating classes. Thanks be to God! I finally completed all the essential school work by Thursday morning, and could then attend the Ascension of the Lord mass in triumphant joy. I then had a peace of mind to devote my entire time on Friday after school to finish up the necessary camp preparation.

Needless to say, with God watching over all of us during the camp, everything proceeded smoothly as planned on the actual day. I was grateful to God for granting our CCD ministry this accomplishment.

Organizing the second i-Paul Camp is the milestone and turning point of my life. I begin to experience for myself that nothing is impossible with God, and the grace of God is sufficient to help me transcend all barriers and self-perceived limits to my potential. I now truly appreciate what St. Paul said, “My grace is all you need, for my power is greatest when you are weak.” [2 Cor 12: 9] This trial has offered me the opportunity to feel the most vulnerable moment of my life so far, and thus has allowed me to witness God’s greatest power. I also feel that God is not only working in me, but is also working to unite and revitalize our whole ministry. All praises and thanks be to the ever-living God!

“My God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ
Jesus.” [Phil 4: 19]

“I sought the Lord and he answered me, from all my terrors he set me free.” [Psalm 34: 4]

References:
1) http://library.timelesstruths.org/texts/Treasures_of_the_Kingdom_45/Baby_Strength/
2) http://library.timelesstruths.org/texts/The_Handmaid_of_the_Lord/Accepting_the_Trial/

Cardboard Testimonies

2009-06-15T13:18:00.003+08:00

Witness the immense power of God's love, grace and healing that brought about the conversion in these people who wrote the cardboard testimonies.

My Cardboard Testimony
Past: Only focused on my studies and career.
Now: Serving for Christ, and becoming more and more active.

Past: Believed I deserved all the credit for all my achievements.
Now: God makes my hard work pays off. All successes are granted by God.

Staff CIP at Chek Jawa

2009-06-05T13:15:00.018+08:00
It was drizzling at about 6am. The bad weather aggravated my desire to 'skip' this staff outing, and I did not relish the thought of probably more mud or sand getting into my shoes. I took my own sweet time to bathe and then left home at about 7.10am. Soon, I managed to hop into a taxi, but was actually half hoping that I would miss the bus when I reach school.

As the taxi driver turned into the school, I saw that a lot of teachers had already gathered at the foyer, but none had gone up the bus yet. Feeling slightly disappointed, I paid for the taxi fare and went to collect my bun and bottle of water.

But as you can see from these pictures that show the scenic views of Chek Jawa, I do not regret for going there. There was a guided tour of the entire area, where we walked through a coastal forest on a boardwalk and we were basked in the symphony of natural sounds- delightful chirping of birds and the melancholy of the croaking of frogs or insects. We also had a chance to see different kinds of plants and creatures, particularly mangrove trees and sea weeds.

(The one in red and yellow T-shirt is me, looking rather forlorn.)

(Team of colleagues for guided tour.)

Then, our tour guide led us climb up a flight of stairs. I was delirious with joy when I started to see the canopy of trees in the forest, beneath the clear blue sky. I echoed out the familiar tune of the Chinese movie 刘三姐 and to my pleasant surprise, 夏老师 replied with the same tune. 我们开始对歌了一会儿。

此时，歌瘾已发作了，而且还是一发不可收拾。我和夏老师不断地切磋歌艺，从广东歌、中国民歌、台湾民歌、黄梅调至流行歌，我们都无所不唱，乐此不疲，乐在其中。好久没有这样轻松的感觉了！没想到夏老师也这么热爱唱歌，还挺会模仿郑智化的腔调呢！

跟着，我们就在这座桥上，一边瞭望浩瀚无垠的海洋，一边拉开嗓子，唱着我们熟悉的歌曲。嘹亮的歌声仿佛带走了压抑在我胸中已久的郁闷。感谢天主赐给我这么宝贵的机会，让我能够在大自然的怀抱中疏解压力。
可当我唱到《楚留香》这几句歌词时，心中却涌起一股感慨。

尘沾不上心间，情牵不到此心中，来得安去也写意，人生休说苦痛。
聚散匆匆，莫牵挂，未记风波中英雄勇，就让浮萍轻抛剑外，千山我独行不必相送。
。。。。。

CASE Descriptions 1

2009-06-05T13:05:00.003+08:00
Character Description
1. Beautiful eyelashes, thick and curved.
2. The husband flat on his back, mouth open, snoring gently.
3. hair in neat bangs (AmE= fringe) on his forehead

Action Description
1. leaned back in the chair
2. kneaded the flesh above his eyebrows
3. leaped awake

Setting Description
1. In the silence of the office, he still heard Carl Seaton’s voice, all cunning gone, penitent (= remorseful / repentant / conscience-stricken), full of regret. (+ Emotion description)
2. under the harsh light of a 100-watt ceiling bulb
3. in the small cluttered office
4. his sneakers noiseless in the carpeted hallway
5. The bullet exploded through the thin blanket, small shreds of green cloth filling the air like rain, the noise of the shot not as loud as he’d imagined it would be.
6. the smell of gunpowder heavy in the air

Emotion Description
1. eyes became fixed and frozen in shock
2. Carl Seaton had confessed his acts of murder almost eagerly, glad to provide the details that would lead to his own doom, his voice buoyant (= carefree / lighthearted) with relief.
3. simulated sympathy and compassion
4. failed to provide the usual surge (= a sudden increase in the strength of a feeling) of triumph

My Fear

2009-04-17T17:47:00.004+08:00

Though I'm a teacher, I have my fears too.

Today, I just read Nadhirah's blog and managed to gain a deeper insight on the journey my beloved pupils experienced during the 3-days Project Super Achievers programme. Actually, I would love to stay with my pupils till the end of that programme on Wednesday, if not for the sake of my mum who had food poisoning that week. It's such a pity that I missed the most heart-wrenching moments when my 5N pupils expressed their ambitions and fears that hinder them from performing. Tears actually streaked down some of their faces.

To tell you the truth, this is also the first year in my entire teaching career when I sensed the highest level of pressure and FEAR. Why? Because I am teaching the entire 5NA stream. If this is your first time studying for 'O' level English, this is also my first time teaching 'O' level English after getting so used to the NA English syllabus. On top of that, I was the one who asked for this 'cross', requesting to exchange 4/7 or 4/8 (can't remember now) for 5/1, thinking that this arrangement would benefit my students and me better. But there came a point when I started to wonder: Is this a right decision? Would I shortchange my beloved 5NA pupils by being possessive? Now, the responsibility to make sure everyone produces optimal English results for 2009 'O' level English exam is even heavier on me. I also cannot let Mrs Aziz down for entrusting the results of the entire 5N stream to me. My usual self-confidence crumbled, like a wall being torn down. (To be cont'd...)

Self-sacrifice

2009-03-15T21:04:00.005+08:00

http://www.tangle.com/view_video.php?viewkey=06717b0cba7de01ee4b9

Recently, I begin to feel how weary it is to sustain a friendship. I used to think I'm a benevolent or obliging person who won't reject anyone's request for help, but lately amidst my tight schedule of lessons and unfortunate circumstances, I begin to grow tired of acceding to my friend's requests. I begin to wish how good it would be if no one bothers me. That's why I prefer a life of solitude.

However, watching this video clip makes me feel utterly guilty and ashamed of myself. It gives me the stark realization that I actually don't understand the true spirit of self-sacrifice. My so-called 'suffering' is certainly not comparable to the imminent death that the old man is facing. He definitely must be more distressing than me, yet he still uses his remaining energy and time to brighten up the blind man's life, to help him see this 'colourful' and 'eventful' world.

"Aspire to inspire till you expire."

Nothing can separate us from God's love, except for we ourselves

2009-02-17T20:51:00.005+08:00
“There is NOTHING in all creation that will ever be able to separate us from the love of God which is ours through Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 8: 39)

Nothing can separate us from God’s love. Not our favourite novels, songs, movies, television programmes, games, toys, pets, fashion accessories, shopping centres, arcades, a handphone, a trophy, medals, prizes, MSN, PSPs, a failed test, good results and even peers’ approval.

Nobody can divide us and God. Not a vengeful peer, our friends, boyfriend or girlfriend, school mates who are jealous of us or look down on us, dedicated or unsupportive teachers, loving or uncaring parents and guardians, quarrelsome siblings and even our favourite celebrities.

No situation can pull us apart from God. Not being a student leader, performing in a concert, winning a basketball tournament or a competition, grief over a deceased pet or relative, resentment at being accused, anger after being insulted or bullied, disappointment with siblings or friends who betray you, and even guilt from being caught red-handed.

In all these circumstances, we know that we are never alone. We can be assured that no matter what happens, God is always with us. But are there times when we allowed ourselves to be distracted by worldly obsessions? Are there times when we were too immersed in our joyful and victorious moments that we forgot to thank God for our achievements? Are there times when we failed to turn to God for counsel and wallowed into sadness and despair? These would be the occasions when we distance ourselves from God’s love. These would be the times when we prevent God’s healing power working within us.

Now, aren’t these situations contradictory to what St. Paul said about nothing could separate us from God’s love? The explanation is God our loving Father had given us the freedom to choose whether we want to establish our friendship with Him or not, and human beings sometimes abuse our freedom to choose not to acknowledge God’s presence in our lives.

Rick Warren, author of the book “The Purpose Driven Life”, wrote that to develop our friendship with God, we have to
1. be completely honest with God, which means to pour out our genuine feelings to God.
2. obey God in faith, not out of fear or compulsion, but out of gratitude and love for all Christ has done for us.
3. value what God values, i.e. the redemption of his people. Care about all the people around us and tell our friends about God. In other words, bring Christ to others through our words and actions.
4. meditate on God’s Word throughout the day.

In this Christmas season, let us choose to revive our friendship with God while celebrating Jesus’ birth so that Christ’s love and peace will remain within us forever.

(This is my fifth issue (28 Dec 2008) of Pauline Catechism section in my new church bulletin called The Apostles.)
A personal reflection article after reading Day 11 - Becoming Best Friends with God and Day 12 - Developing Your Friendship with God.

Chinese New Year Greeting

2009-01-24T20:41:00.003+08:00

Best Birthday Present

2008-12-20T06:05:00.007+08:00

Originally wanted to finish my lunch first before coming to school to receive the "fruits of my labour" - the long awaited GCE 'N' Level results for English Language for the entire 4NA stream. But just as I set off, I received a sms from Ms Evonne Tham. She informed me that 100% of the 4NA pupils pass the English Language 'N' Level exam. I was in high spirits (very happy and proud / jubilant) and praised the Lord instantaneously. Yes, once again, He had helped me and all my pupils to achieve such excellent results. Thank you, dear Lord Jesus! All glory and praises be to God! I then decided to change my mind to bring packed lunch to school and 'savour' (to enjoy sth) my results as I consumed lunch.
Besides being grateful to God's divine blessings, I also need to express my appreciation to each and every 2008 4NA student who has contributed to such glorious results. This is indeed the best present that you can give me before my birthday. I'm truly impressed with the results of the majority of you. Congratulations to those who scored distinction for English Language: Ali, Javin, Kevin, Ridhwan, Kian Wei, Agnes Ong, Hardi, Benny, Danyal, Khalisah, Nadhirah, Kuang Sheng, Christina, Andy and Melvinder. For those who are promoted, remember to work even harder next year as passing 'O' level English Language exam may be considered an uphill (difficult) task to most of you.
For the ten students who are not promoted to Sec 5NA, please do not be disheartened. Failing an examination does not mean that you are of no use. It either indicates that you had not put in enough effort in your studies or you might be more suited to courses of a less academic nature. Moreover, good character precedes (comes before) good results in the development of your future. You can clearly see what will happen to you when you manage to become a prestigious figure of authority but lack integrity, if you have been following the news of the destiny of the corrupt Taiwan former president Chen Shui-bian.
Hence, whether you are promoted or not, regardless of whichever environment you will be in, I pray that God will watch over you and will prevent you from being led astray. May you stand firm in your religious belief and cling on to your moral values always. May God bless you.

First Christmas

2008-12-20T05:52:00.003+08:00
The story of the birth of Jesus Christ is told by Joseph's donkey, Zeke. This telling of the wondrous birth of Jesus together with the fascinating illustrations will delight children and adults alike and remind us all of the real meaning of Christmas.

(This is my fourth issue of Pauline Catechism section in my new church bulletin called The Apostles.)

主耶稣，祢是活泉

2008-12-11T01:20:00.005+08:00

在国华大哥的鼓励下，妈妈和我毅然报名参加为时三天半的“归来吧！我的宝贝”音乐侍奉营。妈妈原本担心很多问题：怕早上不能这样早起来啦、怕不够睡眠，精神不足啦、担心不懂能表演什么啦、更担心遭鄙视。差一点萌起放弃的念头了，却还是踏出第一步出席了第一天的活动。我则是满怀期待与喜悦的心情去参加这个侍奉营。

到了12月8日，所有音乐侍奉营的参加者都到圣体堂报到。我们在那里望弥撒并参与彩排，为晚上“归来吧！我的宝贝”的演出做最后的冲刺。

午餐过后，我们本想去圣体室祈祷，谁知到了那边，里面已经有很多人在祈祷了。没法子，虽然下着雨，我们还是决定撑着一把伞走到大教堂去，很凑巧的，大教堂内正有一台英语弥撒在进行中。妈妈就提议找一个适当的角落去祈祷。我们走着走着，竟找到一座有耶稣神像，又有流水的小石山。妈妈一知道那座神像是耶稣，便雀跃地呼喊着；“主耶稣！主耶稣！”妈妈“飞奔似地投入主的怀里”，跟着便滔滔哭诉着这几天郁积在她心中的委屈、惧怕及焦虑。我在一旁一边听，一边默祷，求主赐给我妈力量及信心，泪水也禁不住地滑落双颊。妈妈逐带领我念三遍的天主经，圣母经及光荣颂。诵念这些经文时，妈妈心中的悲伤更强烈，泪水仍然不停地流着。

念完经文后，妈妈突然问我：“你有想到什么吗？”我为之愕然。的确，在默祷时，听着潺潺的流水声，看着流水沿着小山坡流入锦鲤鱼池中和雨水打落在鱼池中所产生的水花四溅的景象，令我联想到《植在溪畔树下》MTV中的瀑布。我心想那岂不是代表圣神的活水吗？当我说出这个答案后，谁知妈妈说她也想到圣神活水。我们母女俩顿时都被圣神赐予的这份心有灵犀深受感动。妈妈便要求我带领她唱这首歌。我们边唱边流泪。

离开了那座小石山后，妈妈告诉我她刚才听到主耶稣的声音。“别担心，别害怕，回去吧，孩子，我会看顾你，我会赐给你力量。”起初，她还舍不得离开。后来，耶稣的声音再次响起：“孩子，回去吧，别在这边淋雨了。”感谢主！赞美主！祢的确是活生生的主，随时随地给我们依靠，抚慰我们，医治我们。

回到达勉礼堂后，又是另一轮的赞美敬拜。那位领赞美敬拜的姐妹问大家：“主耶稣配得我们赞美吗？”这时，群众答复的声音不是很响亮，可能是因为大家要为了演出而“保留元气”，所以不敢大喊。她再问：“主耶稣配得我们赞美吗？”这次，妈妈和我都毫不保留地从心中呐喊出来：“配！”“主耶稣好不好？”我们再次使劲地喊，“好！”“你们相信主耶稣吗？”我们再三肯定地大喊：“相信！”回想起来，以前在这种场合，我虽然有回应，但却没像这次那么诚恳。那天，我不但口里承认，心里也再一次由衷地相信耶稣是我们的救主。

赞美敬拜开始了。是一首陌生的歌曲《到主跟前来》，但头一行的歌词已深深触动了我。“孩子们，到我跟前来，尽情地欢欣歌唱。”我知道那是仁慈的天主再一次施展祂的大能，通过歌词来抚慰妈妈倍受创伤的心灵。泪水黯然落下。

紧接着就是我们赞美敬拜的预演。我即刻收拾我的心情，登上台阶。当第一首歌《归来吧！我的宝贝》的音乐响起时，我的膝盖居然会随着音乐的节拍自动弯曲。一直到演出当天的早上，当我们在练习赞美敬拜时，组长不断地提醒我膝盖一定要随着音乐的节拍弯下，但我就是办不到。我试着一边唱，一边机械化地弯下双脚，却无可避免地把一些动作给漏了。可是在预演的那一刻，圣神及时赐给了我这个能力，让我既能做出全部的动作，又不用顾虑双脚的摆动。感谢赞美主！阿肋路亚！

演出正式开始了。第一个表演项目就是赞美敬拜。我在台上而妈妈在台下，一起带动观众赞美敬拜。我们以充满感恩的心情，精力充沛地，轻松愉快地歌唱，一边拍掌，一边跳舞，喜乐之河已显然填满我们的心房。

演出快到尾声时，宝琴姐便在台上问有谁愿意接受主耶稣的救恩，愿意接受主耶稣掌管他们的生命，并邀请这些愿意认识主的非教友来到台前，接受神父的降福。有些观众开始移步，走向台前。我不知不觉地踮起脚尖，好像在替天主看有多少人回归祂的羊栈似的。看到有越来越多的非教友走到台前，有年轻的，也有年长的，一阵莫名的感动涌上心头，不禁热泪盈眶，但我知道这次是喜极而泣。我从未有过这样的感觉。以前在弥撒中看到有人领洗，都总是表情冷淡的，不当一回事，内心完全没有一丝喜悦，可是这次的感受却截然不同。我想这也许就是证明我的身体是圣神的宫殿，主活在我心吧！感谢天主让我有这么深刻的体验！也感谢天主拣选我们母女俩参与这次的福传演出！这是我们一生中感到最有意义的赞美敬拜！

终于，整场演出圆满结束。离开圣体堂前，我们母女俩回到下午的栖息地－有主耶稣的小石山。妈妈兴奋地对主耶稣说：“主耶稣，谢谢祢治愈了我，赐我力量与精神。”我也默默地向主道谢。起初，我还迫不及待地要回家了，但妈妈坚持要我照念三遍的天主经，圣母经及光荣颂来感谢天主。于是，我们念了跟下午同样的经文三遍，但不同的是，这次是满心欢喜地诵念经文。所有的泪痕都已消失了，脸上只闪耀着感激的笑容。

When Tears Fall

2008-11-29T21:35:00.004+08:00
In this first week of Advent, let us cast our burden on the Lord, revive our hope in the Lord and let the Lord heal us through this comforting song.

(This is my first issue of Pauline Catechism section in my new church bulletin called The Apostles.)

Day 10- The Heart of Worship

2008-11-29T20:48:00.003+08:00

The heart of worship is surrender.

What does it mean to surrender?
Ans: Surrendering is not accepting the status quo. It may mean the exact opposite: sacrificing your life or suffering in order to change what needs to be changed.

Surrender is best demonstrated in obedience and trust.

How do you know you are completely surrendered to God?
Ans: 1) You know you're surrendered to God when you rely on God to work things out instead of trying to manipulate others, force your agenda, and control the situation. You let go and let God work.
"Surrender yourself to the Lord, and wait patiently for him." (Psalm 37: 7a) Instead of trying harder, you trust more.

2) You also know you're surrendered when you don't react to criticism and rush to defend yourself.

What are the blessings of surrender?
Ans: 1) PEACE 2) FREEDOM 3) GOD'S POWER IN YOUR LIFE

You cannot fulfill God's purposes for your life while focusing on your own plans / personal ambition.

Everybody eventually surrenders to something or someone. If not to God, you will surrender to the opinions or expectations of others, to money, to resentment, to fear, or to your own pride, lusts, or ego. You are free to choose what you surrender to, but you are not free from the consequences of that choice.

- taken from Rick Warren's The Purpose-Driven Life

Day 9 - What makes God Smile?

2008-11-19T17:59:00.012+08:00
What should be the goal of a Christian's life?

Ans: To make God smile.

How to make God smile?

Ans: 1) God smiles when we LOVE him supremely.

God deeply loves us and desires our love in return. He longs for us to know him and spend time with him.

2) God smiles when we TRUST him completely.
Trust God even when things don't seem to make sense.
Have faith that he knows what is best for our lives.
An excellent role-model: Noah

(Click on Noah's Ark to find out some useful life lessons you can learn from it.)

3) God smiles when we OBEY him wholeheartedly.
The Bible tells us that Noah obeyed completely (no instruction was overlooked), and he obeyed exactly (in the way and time God wanted it done!). That is wholeheartedness.
Do whatever God asks without reservation or hesitation.
Delayed obedience is really disobedience. God doesn't owe us an explanation or reason for everything he asks us to do. Understanding can wait, but obedience can't.
Partial obedience is also disobedience.
Wholehearted obedience is done joyfully, with enthusiasm.
Jesus says, "If you love me, you will obey my commandments." (John 14:15)

4) God smiles when we PRAISE and THANK him continually.
People feel better when they receive heartfelt praise and appreciation from someone else. God loves it, too. He smiles when we express our adoration and gratitude to him.
Because God supplies us with everything, from our daily food, family and friends, talents and to our lives, we should be grateful to God. It's not that God is a petty guy and will not bless us if we don't give thanks to him. On the contrary, God will still continue to shower his blessings generously on all human beings. But in the process of praising and thanking God, we recognise that whatever we have comes from God and indirectly, it helps us to develop humility.
5) God smiles when we USE our ABILITIES.
We don't bring glory or pleasure to God by hiding our abilities or by trying to be someone else.
Anytime we reject any part of ourselves, we are rejecting God's wisdom and sovereignty in creating us.
To sum up, like a parent, God does not expect us to be perfect or sinless. What matters is the attitude of our HEARTS. Is pleasing God our deepest desire? If so, there is nothing that God won't do for the person totally absorbed with this goal.
- taken from Rick Warren's The Purpose-Driven Life.
I feel that God has given me the grace to have a deep trust in him that he has laid out the best plan for my life and that he is determined is carry out this plan. I would say this is one thing I'm proud of myself with regards to my relationship with God.
But one thing I really need to work hard on is to obey God, who is present in all authority figures and my mother, wholeheartedly. When my mother asks me to run some errands, I would often delay in helping her and sometimes even forgetting all about it. When I'm told to carry out certain tasks, my first reaction would be to ask, "Why?" I used to think that it is only reasonable that I do things for you after I've understood or appreciated its rationale. If I don't agree with your explanation, then there is no motivation for me to do those tasks.
While this thinking may sound logical, at certain critical, especially possibly life-threatening moments, you just don't have the time to seek for the explanation. You must obey your leader immediately, without hesitation, unless you are prepared to suffer terrible consequences.

Testimony for Recruitment of Catechists

2008-10-28T16:18:00.007+08:00
On 19 Oct 2008 (World Mission Sunday), I had to give two testimonies during Chinese mass at 8.30am and during English mass at 4.20pm for the recruitment of catechists at Sts Peter and Paul Church. This was my first time giving a testimony.

"耶稣长得帅吗？谁是耶稣的曾曾曾祖父？”这些有趣的问题都是我的一年级要理班的学生问的。

各位兄弟姐妹，早上好！我是凤婷，在这间教堂教要理已经有一年多的时间了。今天，我想和大家分享自从我决定当要理班老师后，天主所赐给我的三种赏报。

第一点、每当学生充满好奇心地问一大堆关于信仰的问题时，或者兴致勃勃地参于课堂上的活动与游戏时，我就会很高兴，而且觉得所付出的努力和时间去备课是值得的。

第二点、从孩子们的身上，我也可以学到东西，仿佛是天主在我教要理的过程中帮助我培养谦逊的美德。比如说，在我今年教的班里头，有一位很虔诚的小孩，名叫Amos. 他一踏进小教堂，坐下来，就会自己喃喃自语。原来他是在念天主经！这位小孩的举动提醒了我应该更敬畏上主以及事事多祈祷。
第三点、教要理也能使我在灵修上成长。记得有一次，我很生气某人对我说过的话，一直耿耿于怀。刚巧，那个星期，我正要准备教宽恕。当我在练习讲述宽恕之道的比喻时，我顿时重新领悟了这个道理，放下心中的不悦，决定效仿耶稣宽恕这个人。突然间，我感到天主真的时时刻刻与我同在，而且好像在通过我准备的教材来指点我该怎样做。这岂不是一种最美妙的赏报吗？

总的来说，正如圣保禄宗徒在斐理伯书信(4:19)说：“我的天主必要以自己的财富，在基督耶稣内，丰富满足你们的一切需要。”所以，别犹豫了，快加入我们的队伍吧，为天主向下一代传布福音。谢谢！

“Is Jesus handsome? Who is Jesus’ great great great grand-father?” These are
just some of the questions my P1 kids asked in the catechist class.

Hi, everybody! I'm Veronica from the Catechist Ministry. I'm here to share with you
three ways in which God has rewarded me after I decided to serve the Lord as a catechist.

Firstly, whenever I hear my pupils ask interesting questions about their faith in class and get very excited participating in the quizzes, games and activities during my lessons, I would feel delighted and that's enough to brighten up my day. All the time and effort spent in preparing for the lessons would be worthwhile.

Secondly, I get to learn a lot from the kids I'm teaching and in the process, God is also helping me to acquire humility. For instance, I have a very devoted kid in my class this year. His name is Amos. The minute he enters the chapel, he will straight away mutter “The Lord's Prayer” on his own initiative. He doesn't have to wait till communal prayer time, and that behaviour strikes me that I need to be more prayerful and show a greater respect for God.

Finally, but not the least, I realize I'm growing spiritually as well. I remember there was once I had great difficulties forgiving someone and coincidentally, that weekend, I was planning to teach about forgiveness. As I was practising narrating the parable of forgiveness, it suddenly dawned on me that God was using my teaching material to tell me what to do and to further convince me to forgive that person. God had manifested his love and presence for me at that time through my lesson preparation. So, isn't that a marvelous reward?
Hence, to sum up, like what St Paul said to the Philippians (4: 19): In return, my God will fulfill all your needs in Christ Jesus, as lavishly as only God can. And in the first letter to the Corinthians (9: 18): It is the privilege of preaching the Good News without charging for it, without claiming my rights in my work for the gospel. So, are you ready to take up this privilege to help spread the Good News to the young generation?
I doubt whether my testimonies have convinced anyone to be a catechist but there is one thing for sure, and that is, through the Biblical quotes in my testimonies, someone felt touched or comforted by God as one auntie came up to me and asked which chapter of the letter to the Philippians I had mentioned. I'm glad that my testimonies have effectively served as instruments of God's Words. Praise the Lord!
I also need to thank Lord Jesus for giving me the inspiration to write out these two speeches. Glory to you Lord!

For One More Day- Forgive Yourself

2008-10-16T10:58:00.008+08:00
When you’re rotten about yourself, you become rotten to everyone else, even those you love.

I had no one to talk me out of my despair, and that was a mistake. You need to keep people close. You need to give them access to your heart.
(extracted from For One More Day)

My greatest take from this novel is the importance of being able to forgive yourself.

Charley Benetto adores his father since young, only to see him leaving his mother when Charley is on the verge of adolescence. With regards to baseball, Charley is as passionate as his father.

Years later, after Charley is married, on his mother’s seventy-ninth birthday, his father calls him to invite him to play in an Old Timers game. Though Charley is a bit hesitant to accept the offer, he cannot bear to reject his Dad; so he fakes an excuse, lies to his mother, wife and daughter and flies off. As he is reminiscing (remembering / recollecting past experiences) the glory of his days as a young energetic baseball player while swinging his bat, his mother collapsed at his hometown due to a massive heart attack. Charley thus misses the only opportunity to bid farewell to his mother. As he drives home through the night, he is tormented more by guilt than by shock and grief. Since then, his life has been destroyed by alcohol and regret. He loses his job. He leaves his family. He hits rock bottom after discovering that he won’t be invited to his only daughter’s wedding, and this is the most crucial thing that drives him to commit suicide.

Clearly, as Charley cannot let go of the immense guilt deeply engraved in his heart due to his irrevocable decision, he submits himself to alcohol and his relationships with his loved ones inevitably deteriorates. He does not confide to his loved ones anymore and becomes “ornery (grumpy) and distant”. He imagines himself suffering all alone. He shuts everybody out from his own world until he meets his dead mother...

It is a well-known fact that hurting people hurt others. The longer you
avoid forgiving yourself, the longer you allow yourself to harbor the feelings that you deserve to suffer for what you did, the more explosive you will become and, therefore, the more apt you are to hurt others. (extracted from http://www.allaboutgod.com/forgiving-yourself.htm)

Personally, I had been through this experience before. (Refer to last year’s August entry 4/4- Bane of my Teaching Career) The feeling was terrible once I realized that I had vented my frustration on another group of innocent pupils. I resolved this problem by confessing my sin to God and asking God to teach me how to be a firmer and more righteous teacher. After that, the healing gradually took place and I have never since repeated that mistake again.

Teaching is a life-giving career. If we persistently dwell on our sins and cannot forgive ourselves, then we are robbing ourselves of the opportunity to learn from our mistakes and to move on with life and with God. How can we then overcome our obstacles when we are stuck in our misery? How can we then encourage our students to stretch their limits when we already believe that it is impossible for us to impact others?

Forgive yourself. Let go of whatever you are holding against yourself. You can let the healing begin...

Writing Testimonials

2008-10-08T13:29:00.007+08:00

Yesterday, I finally completed the mammoth task of drafting all the testimonials for my form class. A huge load was instantaneously off my shoulder as I printed out all the drafts and passed them to Mr. Osman to vet. After the first vet, I still have to print out the amended testimonials for Mrs. Aziz to vet. After the second round of amendments, then it would be the Principal's turn to vet. So you see, it's such a tedious and laborious task and all of us have to be very careful about it as once the School Graduation Certificate (SGC) is printed, then correction of each error will cost the school $50.

We will give you a chance to check your testimonial, so by then, please scrutinise (to examine it in detail carefully or critically) it! But anyway, rest assured that I did not rush through this process of drafting. I spent on average an hour recollecting each student's achievements and strengths in his / her character and writing them down. Thankfully, I have no other urgent tasks to be completed at hand, unlike other teachers who have buried themselves in marking their Sec 1-3 exam papers. Thus, I was in the clearest and most relaxed state of mind while writing your testimonials. :>

The most challenging part of writing testimonials is to omit all negative remarks, even for the most challenging students. However, fortunately for me, as I have taught you guys for at least a few years, I have been able to pick up some commendable qualities for each one of you. Hence, look forward to your testimonial!

Few interesting statistics:
1) Shortest testimonial: Hardi
2) Longest testimonial: Maisurah (Had spent three hours drafting it!)
3) Most unique testimonial: Louie

This statement is from the bottom of my heart. I'm truly honoured to be the first teacher writing your secondary school testimonial.

You can do anything! You ROCK!

2008-09-23T20:21:00.013+08:00

I can do anything I set my mind to.
I can make dreams happen by the things
that I do.

I dug out this motivational poster from my classroom drawer. The academic year for my dear 4N pupils is going to end in less than a week’s time. Very soon, they are going to face one of the greatest challenges in their lives, and perhaps the most daunting (intimidating / scary / frightening) one for them so far: the GCE ‘N’ Level examinations.

As I chatted with some of my pupils during my English lessons (which now are slacking time for them), some of them admitted to me that they only started doing serious revision from this week onwards, just a week before the start of their national examinations! I am appalled (extremely shocked)! But soon, I realized one possible reason for their half-heartedness in their preparation for the ‘N’ level examinations. It was their fear of ending up in Institute of Technological Education (ITE) despite having studied till secondary five.

No doubt, this is something that can possibly happen, but YOU CERRTAINLY HAVE CONTROL over your academic performance. YOU CAN DECIDE whether this ‘tragedy’ will happen to you or not.

Don’t set limits to your own capability! Once you have the fear that you can’t make it, your body will subconsciously produce the inertia (a feeling of not wanting to move or do anything) to influence you not to take so much action or put in too much effort to achieve your goals. Without much hard work put in, how can your goals be achieved? This is a self-fulfilling prophecy (a statement made about something they believe will happen). On top of that, the fear or the so-called limit will distract you and obstruct you from achieving success. This is a vicious cycle that just further reinforces the apparent notion that you are a born failure, but it's just an ILLUSION! You have to get yourself out of this trap!

Sound too philosophical or psychological? Well, I recently had a similar experience and let me share it with you. I usually take a long time to finish my meals, especially if it is my favourite vegetable rice. One day, my timetable was so packed. I knew I did not have the luxury to spend one hour for lunch but at the same time, after eating my breakfast in the canteen, I could not resist the tantalizing look of the fresh green leafy vegetables that was just cooked. I stood at the vegetable rice stall, gazing at it for a few seconds. I calculated the time that I could spare for lunch that day, only a mere twenty-five minutes during the upper secondary recess period. However, the temptation was so great that I decided to pack my lunch back to the staffroom, casting away all my concerns of the time constraint.

After teaching for two hours, I returned to the staffroom and quickly sat down to treat myself the packed vegetable rice. Usually, I love to multi-task by checking my e-mails and eating at the same time. But at that time, I did nothing except to concentrate eating my lunch. Of course, I managed to complete consuming my satisfying meal within half an hour. Another reason why I found that meal very fulfilling is because I broke my shortest eating record time, which would at least be forty-five minutes. If I had been afraid that I could not finish my meal in time, I would then have to starve till dismissal time, which was exactly what my colleague had to endure. She looked at me with envy and exclaimed, “Wow! You really manage to finish eating that delectable (delicious / very attractive) vegetable rice that you bought just now!” I smiled back at her with glee.

Well, hope this simple story can illustrate what I meant by not setting limits to your own capability. As long as you are not doing anything morally wrong or illegal, then go ahead! FOCUS, cast away all your worries and JUST DO IT! You will enjoy a BREAKTHROUGH in your life.

Remember, YOU ROCK!

Prayer for a Student

2008-09-05T20:32:00.002+08:00

(This prayer is dedicated to all students who believe in Jesus or hope to ask for Jesus' help in your studies though you are not a Christian or a Catholic.)

O Infant Jesus, eternal Wisdom made flesh, who shed your blessings so generously on all, and most especially on school-children and students who trust in You, please look kindly on me as I implore (beg / appeal)You to guide and assist me in my studies.

You, O God made Man, Lord of all learning, source of all understanding and memory, come and help me in my weakness. Enlighten my mind, give me an ability to acquire knowledge and truth and the capacity to remember all I learn. Be my light, strength and comfort in moments of special difficulty.

By the grace of Your divine Heart, may I do all my school tasks to the best of my ability and gain the utmost profit from them, so that I may get good marks and, most important of all, be moved up next year.

To merit such favours, for my part, I promise to perform faithfully all my duties as a Christian and to love You more and more. O Sweet Infant Jesus, keep me always under Your protecting mantle (a loose, sleeveless cloak or cape) and be my guide, not only on the path of learning, but above all on the path to eternal salvation. So be it!

Making a comeback!

2008-09-02T14:19:00.003+08:00
Finally, finally, I completed all my preliminary exam papers marking, prepared the examiner's report and model essays and distributed to my 4N pupils today, on their first day of the GCE 'N' level examination. It is such a relief, like a huge burden removed! Although there would be always some pupils who detested being held back and forced to listen to my feedback briefing, I did not care. I told myself not to be bothered by such unwelcoming gestures and remarks. All I know is I have done my best to prepare you guys and I am clear to my conscience.

After the invigilation and sorting out of my abandoned exam papers and notes, I decided to slack for a while to reward myself after working soo extremely hard for the past weeks or even months.

First, I checked my blog and saw Boon Hao tagging me. He has started his own blog, and through his blog, I saw many other 4N boys' blogs, like Chuan Yong, Xiang Yi, and the well-reputed Soon Yang's blog (Mr Labi's livejournal). I thought these boys were not interested in blogging initially. What prompts them to suddenly start their own blog at this stressful period? I pondered. To improve their English? Very unlikely, maybe it's true for Soon Yang. Or are they getting emo too so they need to blog to pour out their emotions? To relieve their stress? Perhaps.

My virtual journey in cyberspace then commenced. Visiting one blog after another and tagging one blog after another, including old ones and new ones, and soon, around two hours passed. I then start to type this apparently meaningless entry. Funny, the whole experience is just like catching up with some long lost friends when actually, I get to see them EVERY DAY! Really ironical!

Improve your English through Online Reading

2008-07-22T14:06:00.006+08:00
My dear pupils,
I bet some of you are getting more and more anxious about the upcoming 'N' level English exam, right? Fret not. Besides practising papers after papers, here's the fun way to improve your English expression, enrich your vocabulary and as well as gain more knowledge about current trends and affairs.

Here's introducing you TWO valuable websites.
1) STOMP- http://www.stomp.com.sg/stink/ (with a highly interactive and vibrant interface)
The sections that I like best are:
a) Talkback- a forum with a myriad of topics and perspectives.
b) Star Blog- Seven star bloggers penning their thoughts on controversial and sometimes personal topics. (a very good source of Standard English as compared to students' blogs)
c) Media Club- Access to a variety of less serious newspaper articles as opposed to those in Straits Times.

2) Channelnewsasia Blogs- http://www.channelnewsasia.com/blogs/
The only difference between Channelnewsasia Blogs and Star Blog on STOMP is that the latter contains entries on a designated topic every week whereas the other one contain more personal entries.

Don't just read blindly and quickly if you want to improve your language expression. Take down any useful words or phrases and copy the entire sentence accompanying it. Collect these useful vocabulary expressions and try to remember them.

Copy the entire text onto a blank Word document. Hide certain words and then test yourself to see whether you know the answers to the blanks. In other words, test yourself cloze passage.

Effects of Second-Hand Smoke

2008-07-15T18:13:00.003+08:00
QUIT SMOKING FOR THE SAKE OF YOUR SIBLINGS, FRIENDS OR EVEN YOUR GIRLFRIENDS! DON'T SUBJECT THEM TO THE RISK OF AN EARLIER DEATH!

Quit Smoking!

2008-06-08T00:07:00.004+08:00
Believe it or not! The following statements are just smoking myths. I hope this video clip can convince you to quit smoking, once and for all.

Myth 1: Smokers need will power to quit.
Myth 2: Smokers choose to smoke.
Myth 3: Nicotine and gum patches work.
Myth 4: Giving up is hard.

A Platform to Shout for God's Mercy

2008-05-24T02:50:00.015+08:00
On 12 May 2008, I was officially diagnosed with Hand Foot Mouth disease. More and more blisters grew on my hands and feet and they were terribly itchy. However, I had to bear with the discomfort and continued marking the exam papers, which were still quite a lot then. (I was still left with three classes of summaries and three classes of compositions.) I believe I would certainly not be able to finish marking the papers by the time the pupils returned to school on the next day, 13 May. Hence, I felt that that illness befell on me like a blessing in disguise as I was given five days of mc. It was like an extension of five marking days for me, I secretly smiled to myself.

Unfortunately, after the severe itch stage, came the stage of excruciating pain. My feet were in such a great pain that it was so difficult to even lift each foot up. Walking inside my house was like climbing a mountain as I had to hold on to the surrounding furniture for every step I took.

Seeing my plight, my mother was worried that I could not recover by Saturday, 17 May, when I was supposed to help introduce my church, Sts Peter and Paul (SPP), to a group of visitors from St Bernadette church’s CCD. I told my catechist coordinator, Joyce, that I would like to take charge of the Divine Mercy section and the Infant Jesus section. Hence, my mother reminded me to pray to Infant Jesus for physical healing. I then started to pray the Infant Jesus Emergency Novena. (This Novena is to be said at the same time every hour for nine consecutive hours for just one day.) I requested the Lord to heal me completely by Saturday so that I could accomplish this “mission” together with the other two catechists.

The Infant Jesus Emergency Novena
O Jesus, You said, “Ask and you shall receive, seek and you shall find, knock and it shall be opened to you.” Through the intercession of Mary, Your most holy Mother, I knock, I seek and I ask that my prayer be granted.

(State your request.)

O Jesus, You said, “All that you ask the Father in my Name, He will grant you.” Through the intercession of Mary, Your most holy Mother, I humbly and urgently ask Your Father in Your Name that my prayer be granted.

(Repeat your request.)

O Jesus, You said, “Heaven and earth shall pass away, but My word shall not pass.” Through the intercession of Mary, Your most holy Mother, I feel confident that my prayer will be granted.

(Repeat your request.)

At the same time, my mother asked me whether there was anything I ought to do for Infant Jesus but hesitated. I recalled that I originally wanted to share the story about the birth of the statue of Infant Jesus of Prague but Father discouraged it as he believed that the audience might have short attention span and so not be interested in long historical stories. However, despite his objection, the story still lingered in my mind when I had only read it once on a page printed out from the Internet. More importantly, I felt rather reluctant to abandon the story totally in my introduction of Infant Jesus to the visitors. I told my mother my reservation and she taught me to ask Infant Jesus whether I should share the story. I prayed to Infant Jesus, “Dear Infant Jesus, I would want to help spread your name. I will tell the visitors the story of the origins of your statue. Please help to alleviate the pain in my legs if you approve of my decision.”

The next day when I woke up, the pain seemed to be a little less intense. However soon, the tormenting pain resumed. Then, my mother suggested calling up the doctor to see whether there was any pain-killer available for my illness. I heeded the advice and indeed, the doctor gave me a few pain-killers and some pills for eliminating viruses. I only had to take one pain-killer and gradually, the pain reduced and eventually, disappeared. This time round, the pain had vanished for good! I could walk with ease again! Just then, I managed to complete praying the emergency novena for the third day. (I did it three times because on the previous two days, I did not manage to complete it at the exact fixed timing of each hour.) As soon as I had completed praying, I could move my legs up and down to even exercise! Apparently, Infant Jesus had removed my pain! He had given me the sign to proceed with proclaiming His story! I was brimming with joy and gratitude!

Sure enough, by Saturday, I had recovered to a large extent, though my legs were a bit swollen. Most of the blisters had already dried up. All praise and glory be to God! When I met Father, I informed him of my decision to share the story of the origins of the statue of Infant Jesus of Prague. Quite to my surprise, this time, he said, “I leave it up to you.” He also added that I should try to make it interactive in order to catch the audience’s attention.

At around 10am, the visitors from St Bernadette church’s CCD arrived. We embarked on our “mission” of introducing our church, SPP, to our distinguished visitors. After our catechist coordinator, Joyce, had briefed on the church’s history and highlighted some features about its architecture, it was my turn. I briefly mentioned about the divine mercy devotions held in our church and later, ushered the audience to sit comfortably near the Infant Jesus shrine.

When everyone was seated, I began my introduction. I first mentioned that the statue they saw in SPP is an exact replica of the one in Prague. Then, I went on with the story of the birth of the statue. (http://www.s-infantjesus.org/?q=node/11) I was expecting some inattentive, noisy and “switched off” audience, anticipating that they might get bored with the story, or rather with my presentation. However, much to my amazement, majority of the kids and almost all the adults were listening to me quietly. I even got a few responses from two older kids when I prompted them to predict the development of the story. I had never been able to grasp the attention of so many people before as I normally even have difficulties capturing the attention of my own pupils in my secondary classes. With utmost awe and gratitude, I gave thanks to Infant Jesus silently on the spot.

With the help of Father Thomas, our “mission” was accomplished smoothly. The visitors proceeded to visit our columbarium, the new parish building and finally, our adoration room.
Now, in retrospect, I recall a Lectio Divina practice that I had in the last Carmelite 2040 session. The part of the gospel extracted was from Mark 10: 46-52 and the title is Blind Bartimaeus Receives His Sight. At that time, in my rumination process, the phrase shouted all the more struck me and it remains in my mind till now. I feel that the Hand Foot Mouth disease was an opportunity for me to lean to Jesus Christ for help and healing so that I am put right with God through my faith in Jesus Christ. (Romans 3:22 God puts people right through their faith in Jesus Christ. ) Indeed, if not for this illness, I would never be so hardworking or pious to keep praying, to keep shouting to God for his mercy. I would still be so absorbed in my work and will never realize at a personal level, God’s overwhelming love for me. Despite the many sins I have committed, God still heals me and even acceded to my request. I hope this long testimony can help to lift all my praises and thanksgiving to God and Infant Jesus.

Tuesdays with Morrie

2008-05-21T16:23:00.005+08:00

Don't know why. Today, I feel like taking out Tuesdays with Morrie from my bookshelf and browse through the pages which I underlined and annotated last time. I came across these meaningful sentences and would like to share with my blog readers.

The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning.

You know what really gives you satisfaction?
Offering others what you have to give.
I don't mean money, Mitch. I mean your time.

FAITH

2008-04-26T20:47:00.003+08:00

Abraham could not see what was ahead, but he moved with FAITH and hope.

Move with FAITH in order to be transformed.

FAITH is the letting-go or surrendering of your daily life to God.

Behind the cross is the resurrection.

If you don't face hardship, you won't go far.

When I am afraid, I will put my trust in YOU!

(Some useful pointers I happened to recall from past homilies.)

When will some of my pupils grow up?

2008-04-25T18:00:00.007+08:00
I don't know what's the trigger for today's commotion at the canteen and yesterday's commotion along the corridors.

Just scolded Louie for being rude to the CCA teacher, just scolded 4/3 to reflect on themselves (with Jacqui's video clip) whether they are making good use of their time, and yet these two commotions happened. Today, just as I was about to enter the Ladies, I saw part of this huge 'gang' commotion and witnessed how a few boys were gesturing and scolding at one another, with vulgarities, of course. A few of my colleagues were already there, pulling apart some parties and attempting to stop the fight that was about to begin, I hope. I just stood there and stared at them, doing nothing, but with utter disappointment. My heart was in tears. Today is already the last school day before SA1, yet they must create such a huge trouble for themselves.

Unlike my usual self who would normally go and find out from reliable sources what happened, but this time round, I'm simply too weary to find out anything. I guess partly, I'm afraid to know the truth too. When I returned into the staffroom, my colleague, Miss Loi, asked me whether I had bought the home-made barley drink sold in the canteen today. I just flatly rebuked her, "Do you think I still have the mood to buy drinks when I see my pupils almost fighting?"

Indeed, later, I continued my lesson with a solemn face. Then, after school, Wei Ming and his friends wanted to ask me some questions regarding English summary and they insisted me to teach them in 4/5 classroom straightaway. I obliged. After the consultation, they suddenly asked me whether I would leave the school or not. I did not give them a definite reply. I only questioned myself about my ability in developing pupils' character. It's really very disheartening to see that the batch of pupils you have followed them for years still displaying unacceptable behaviour. I reproached myself, "Have I been indirectly condoning them somehow?" In the classroom, most of the boys I have been teaching for years still don't co-operate and let me proceed with the lessons smoothly, so why should I continue? Dexter commented that I am the last teacher standing by them throughout these years and he urged me to stay on till they graduated in sec 5. In my heart, I said, "Stay on for what? To witness my pupils' behaviour deteriorating? I don't think I can withstand such a blow."

Reflection on Jacqui Saburio's Video Clip

2008-04-19T20:14:00.003+08:00
In one of my earlier entries, I wrote that life on earth is a test. God will put people through major changes and even senseless tragedies. Indeed, the accident that Jacqui Saburio experienced was truly God's test for her, and she has already passed this test with flying colours.
As normal human beings, we can't possibly imagine the immense agony she has been through: the excruciating pain when she got burnt in the car, during and after each of her fifty over operations; and all the great hassle involved in performing the daily routines. Not only that, as she is disfigured, I believe lots of people may have looked at her scornfully or full of apprehension, and she has to endure all those forms of rejection. Yet, she is still glad and grateful that she is alive. Most ordinary people, like us, would have fallen into an abyss of despondence if we were to go through such a state of great turmoil.

Her noble character of being capable to show forgiveness shines out even more prominently through this trial or affliction. God has evidently granted her the strength to endure everything and the grace to practise God's immeasurable love for people at the time she was put to the test.

Jacqui has epitomised the virtues of resilience, forgiveness and inner tranquility. Praise the Lord!

Living Example of Survival and Inner Beauty

2008-04-18T21:29:00.003+08:00
Jacqui Saburio- a living example of survival and inner beauty.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x8TFBeB8egk

Let's emulate her strength, love for life despite such traumatizing struggles she faces daily, and most of all, her ability to forgive.

(I encountered this video clip during one Carmelite 2040 session recently in my church.)

I CAN!

2008-04-18T21:09:00.002+08:00
My dear pupils,
This is a much simpler, straight forward version to encourage you to pave your way to success.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zhWIXQ4Vxiw&feature=related

The most important lines I feel are "No excuses." "Just do it!"

Inspirational Quotes for Success

2008-04-18T20:53:00.002+08:00
My dear pupils,
Hope that this video clip may motivate you to work harder for your success!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=blouHiv5fAg

Meaningful Lessons from Way of the Cross

2008-03-12T02:08:00.014+08:00
(Adapted from Church of Sts. Peter and Paul's Way of the Cross booklet.)

First Station: Jesus is Condemned to Death

Christ: Though Pilate acted unjustly, it was more from fear than from malice. If Jesus loved Judas who betrayed him, he must have loved Pilate as well even though he condemned him. Jesus also submitted himself to Pilate’s rule because this was his Father’s will.

Prayer: Lord, sometimes it is difficult to love our superiors. We may not like them; or they may give us commands we do not like; or they may be unjust or partial. Yet Lord, if you could love Pilate and Herod, surely you could help us to love those whom you appoint to guide and lead us. Jesus, my Lord, help me to see that it is you whom I obey in all who govern me.

Third Station: Jesus Falls the First Time

Christ: The God who made the universe and holds it in existence is too weak as man to bear a piece of timber’s weight. This is the human reality which I experience.

Prayer: Lord, I willingly accept my weaknesses, my irritations and my moods, my headaches and fatigue, all my defects of body, mind and soul. Because they are your will for me, these handicaps of my humanity I gladly accept them. Make me content with all my discontents, but give me strength to struggle after you.

Sixth Station: Veronica Wipes the Face of Jesus

Christ: Can you be brave enough, my other self, to wipe my blood-stained face? Wherever sufferings exist- my face is there. And there I look for you, to wipe away my blood and tears.

Prayer: Lord, what you ask is hard. It calls for courage and self-sacrifice and I am weak. Please give me strength. Don’t let me run away because of fear. Lord, live in me, act in me, and love in me. And not in me alone – in all men – so that we may reveal your glorious face on earth.

Seventh Station: Jesus Falls the Second Time

Christ: This seventh step, my other self, is one that tests your will. From this fall, learn to persevere in doing good. The time will come when all your efforts seem to fail and you will think: “I can’t go on.” Then, turn to me, my heavy-laden one and I will give you rest. Trust me and carry on.

Prayer: Give me your courage, Lord, when failure presses heavily on me and I am desolate. Stretch out your hand to lift me up. I know I must not cease to persevere in doing good, but Lord, alone, I can do nothing. With you, I can do anything you ask. I will.

Tenth Station: Jesus is Stripped of His Garments

Christ: Before my creatures, I stand stripped. The Cross – my death bed – even this is not my own. Yet who has ever been so rich? Possessing nothing, I own all- my Father’s love.

Prayer: My Lord, I offer you all- whatever I possess- and more, my very self. Detach me from my cravings. Release me from the vice of pride, my longing to exalt myself, and lead me to the lowest place. May I be poor in spirit, Lord, so that I may be rich in you.

Mixed Emotions

2008-01-31T21:05:00.000+08:00

今天是哑巴吃黄莲，有苦说不出！那就点到为止吧！可能这是天主给我一次学习超越另一个自我的磨炼吧！（刚打完以下两个段落，就听到FM972播出小松小柏的《超越另一个自我》。那是我中学时代很喜欢的一首歌曲。我想这是天主给我的启示吧！）

But fortunately and surprisingly, 4/5 was rather peaceful after the usual 'commotion' [chaos]at the beginning of each lesson, and I could teach continuously for at least about 40-45 minutes, without incessant [constant; non-stop; continuous] scolding. Of course, as usual, I had to issue first warnings to a few talkative pupils and eventually punished Wei Ming to sit on the floor. He cheekily sat on the teacher's chair until I noticed him and demanded him to sit on the floor. Well, thank God, at least, I don't have to blow my top, like what happened for the past few lessons in 4/5.

Then, 4/4 brightened up my day during the last period. When I asked them whether they wanted the English remedial this Saturday as I thought they might be needed at home to help out in spring cleaning and buying things for Chinese New Year, I was pleasantly surprised. Except for Yuan Fong, Zhen Wei and Hui Xiang who expressed their wish to cancel this week's remedial, there was quite a number of girls who said that they would intend to come this Saturday. Soon Yang then remarked that my remedial had to remain as scheduled due to popular demand. Much to my relief, before I left the classroom, Hui Xiang also said that he could put aside his own activity and try to come. Thanks be to God! Actually, this is the greatest comfort of the day, especially after what happened to 4/3 and me this morning.

Day 8- Planned for God's pleasure

2007-12-21T20:22:00.001+08:00

Anything you do that brings pleasure to God is an act of worship.
When we worship, our goal is to bring pleasure to God, not ourselves.
God's heart is not touched by tradition in worship, but by passion and commitment.
How is it possible to do everything for the glory of God? By doing everything as if you were doing it for Jesus and by carrying on a continual conversation with him while you do it.
Work becomes worship when you dedicate it to God and perform it with an awareness of his presence.

- taken from Rick Warren's The Purpose-Driven Life.
This chapter has changed my concept of worship. I have to confess that previously whenever I led any praise and worship session in my church's Chinese Charismatic Group, I took it as an opportunity to perform. I'm sorry, Lord! Please forgive me.

Day 7- The reason for everything

2007-12-20T21:03:00.000+08:00

God's glory is the expression of his goodness and all his other intrinsic, eternal qualities.
When anything in creation fulfills its purpose, it brings glory to God.
We bring God glory by worshipping him. Worship is a lifestyle of enjoying God, loving him, and giving ourselves to be used for his purposes.
We bring God glory by loving other believers.
We bring God glory by becoming like Christ.
We bring God glory by serving others with our gifts.
We bring God glory by telling others about him.
Living the rest of your life for the glory of God will require a change in your priorities, your schedule, your relationships, and everything else.
God will give you what you need if you will just make the choice to live for him.
- taken from Rick Warren's The Purpose-Driven Life.
After reading and experiencing so much, I suddenly question myself, "How exactly should I live for Christ?" Any comments?

Congratulations, 4/4!

2007-12-20T20:12:00.000+08:00

I really felt delightfully surprised when my colleague told me that everyone in 4/4 has passed their GCE 'N' Level English examination. All my deserving pupils managed to score their well-deserved grade and kudos to those four pupils who scored distinction in this national exam (Natasha, Fazlun, Bernard and Imran)!

I think all the credit and glory should go to God and the pupils themselves who chose to put in their ultra-best effort during the examinations, though at the very last minute!

For those of you who are moving up to secondary five, please continue to work very hard for your GCE 'O' Level examinations next year. Please do not be arrogant or satisfied with your performance. Be prepared for serious studies right from the FIRST day of 2008 as you will have a lot more to catch up with the syllabus. You cannot afford to slack anymore!

I would also like to take this opportunity to wish all those pupils who are taking further studies in other tertiary institutions all the best in their future endeavours. :>

Day 6- Life is a temporary assignment

2007-12-15T19:52:00.000+08:00

C) Life on earth is a TEMPORARY ASSIGNMENT:
Your identity is in eternity, and your homeland is heaven. When you grasp this truth, you will stop worrying about "having it all" on earth.

Don't indulge [to allow oneself to follow one's will; treat oneself] your ego [the opinion of yourself and your own importance] at the expense [cost] of your soul.

Those in frequent contact with the things of the world should make good use of them without becoming attached [obsessed; dependent] to them, for this world and all it contains will pass away.

In order to keep us from becoming too attached to earth, God allows us to feel a significant amount of discontent and dissatisfaction in life. We're not completely happy here because we're not supposed to be!
- taken from Rick Warren's The Purpose-Driven Life.

Qn: How should the fact that life on earth is just a temporary assignment change the way I am living right now?
I should learn to let go of my personal desires, feelings and ego. I should imitate St. Paul to live for Christ. (For what is life? To me, it is Christ. Phil 1.21) In other words, I should let nothing to compromise [to risk harming sth important; jeopardize] my role as an ambassador [representative] of Christ.

Day 5- Seeing life from God's view

2007-12-11T15:21:00.000+08:00
(The italicised points are taken from Rick Warren's The Purpose-Driven Life.)

A) Life on earth is a TEST:-
1. God continually tests people’s character, faith, obedience, love, integrity, and loyalty.
2. Character is both developed and revealed by tests.
3. You will be tested by major changes, delayed promises, impossible problems, unanswered prayers, undeserved criticism, and even senseless tragedies.
4. A very important test is how you act when you can’t feel God’s presence in your life.
5. The Bible says, “God keeps his promise, and he will not allow you to be tested beyond your power to remain firm; at the time you are put to the test, he will give you the strength to endure it, and so provide you with a way out.”

Initially, I questioned since God will always make sure that we can pass the tests of life by his grace, then why should He bother to test us? From a teacher’s point of view, I saw no meaning in testing someone if you ultimately would provide clues that lead to the solution. Then, I got my answer in one of the entries in Living Faith. The reason is God wants to educate us. He wants us to learn in the turmoil [state of great commotion, confusion or disturbance] of our struggles, yet God joins us in our trials, lovingly, tenderly, offering strength and encouragement. God teaches us that we are not alone. Indeed, as described in my entry entitled “Mum’s covenant with God” and in other earlier entries, we had and are still experiencing God’s immense and immeasurable love for us.

B) Life on earth is a TRUST:-
1. Our time on earth and our energy, intelligence, opportunities, relationships, and resources are all gifts from God that he has entrusted to our care and management.
2. At the end of your life on earth, you will be evaluated and rewarded according to how well you handled what God entrusted to you.
3. The more God gives you, the more responsible he expects you to be.

One of the greatest matters God has entrusted to me is my current batch of 3NA pupils. I feel so blessed to have the privilege of teaching them English for four years, following them up from secondary one to secondary four. This cohort of pupils is a lavish [generous] gift to me from God. However, this implies that God expects me to become a more responsible, dedicated and most importantly, righteous teacher for my beloved pupils. I will do my utmost to accomplish this mission.

Day 4- Made to last forever

2007-12-07T10:13:00.000+08:00

The closer you live to God, the smaller everything else appears.
When you live in light of eternity, your values change. You place a higher premium on relationships and character instead of fame or wealth or achievements or even fun.
Death is not your termination, but your transition into eternity, so there are eternal consequences to everything you do on earth.
- taken from Rick Warren's "The Purpose-Driven Life".
I should live each day to the fullest and should stop sleeping away all my holidays.

Day 3- What drives your life?

2007-12-07T08:55:00.000+08:00

We are products of our past, but we don't have to be prisoners of it. God specialises in giving people a fresh start.

Those who have hurt you in the past cannot continue to hurt you now unless you hold on to the pain through resentment (anger; bitterness). For your own sake, learn from it, and then let... it... go...

Fear is a self-imposed prison that will keep you from becoming what God intends for you to be. You must move against it with the weapons of faith and love.

Possessions only provide temporary happiness.

Being controlled by the opinions of others is a guaranteed way to miss God's purposes for your life.

When life has meaning, you can bear almost anything; without it, nothing is bearable.

You need hope to cope. Hope comes from having a purpose.

Knowing your purpose SIMPLIFIES your life. It defines what you do and what you don't do. You simply ask, "Does this activity help me fulfill one of God's purposes for my life?"

People who don't know their purpose try to do too much - and that causes stress, fatigue, and conflict.

Without a clear purpose, you will keep changing directions.

You weren't put on earth to be remembered. You were put here to prepare for eternity.
- taken from Rick Warren's "The Purpose-Driven Life".
After reading, I find that my life is primarily driven by fear and the need for approval. In my attempts to establish "better" rapport with my pupils, I sometimes did certain things to please them. Perhaps, this may be attributed to my fear for pupils regarding me as their enemies. In the end, the greater congeniality (amiability; friendliness) between my pupils and me did not always help to build a more conducive classroom environment. It actually sometimes led to pupils undermining (challenging) my authority in the classroom, even when I was delivering the lessons. This is one of my greatest regrets in my teaching career although I often take pride in myself for being trusted by quite a number of pupils.
As a result of this weakness, I often wonder whether God's mission for me is to be a teacher. At my most disheartened (discouraged) moments, I often imagined myself being a counsellor, or a professor who does more academic research than teaching, or a teacher specialised in teaching children with special needs, or even a youth social worker. I keep thinking of changing my occupation ,but I still dare not venture out as before any changes could take place, I would need to invest more time and money to take up relevant studies. Hence, I ardently (passionately; enthusiastically) pray that the Lord will reveal his plan for me soon through the Holy Spirit.

Mum's Covenant with God

2007-12-06T21:13:00.001+08:00

There were a few days which had been an agony [anguish; misery] for my mum and me. My mum had experienced hurt, hypocrisy, jealousy, despise, neglect, pettiness, false accusation and even almost landed up in a conflict due to some provocative acts of one of the parishioners there. In short, she was utterly disappointed with the church community there. She wanted to leave the church but was in great distress because she finds herself enjoying what she is doing in two of the church ministries: St. Vincent de Paul and the Chinese Charismatic Group. It was a painful struggle for her.

I had tried to dissuade [discourage; deter] her from leaving the church and had repeatedly asked her to ignore those irritating people, but she would think that I advised her to stay on because I want to remain in the Chinese Charismatic Group and in the catechism ministry. (Honestly speaking, I am really sick of the instability due to “migrating” from church to church, which my mother and I had experienced a few years ago.) Thus, whatever I said was pointless to her. Totally at my wits’ end, I saw her tears during her prayers. It was truly tormenting [perturbing; upsetting] for both my mum and me.

Fortunately, as each day passed, my mum was slowly recovering from the emotional struggle. Somehow, the Lord always strengthened her during her sleep as she always woke up, feeling less depressed. The Lord also fortified [strengthened] her through a myriad [numerous] of miraculous ways, such as through the psalms I randomly read in the Bible, the Chinese hymns I was downloading from the Internet and the Chinese Christian songs I played in my CD player. (I dare say that these were all so coincidental [totally unplanned]. Nothing was deliberately pre-arranged.) Whenever my mum received God’s healing through these mediums, she would always be touched to tears. She then began to recall her promise she made to God: to always follow our Lord Jesus Christ and serve him. Finally, she advised herself that as she wanted to stay faithful to the covenant [agreement] she made to God, she would stay on in the church, despite the existing imperfections. I immediately thanked and praised God our Father and the Lord for giving my mother the strength to endure all these tribulations [ordeals; misfortune].

That was not the end of this testimony. As my mother was getting ready to go to church on Wednesday, I picked up the book “The Purpose-Driven Life”, which I have been reading recently. Again, I just randomly opened the book and saw this page that highlights the message: “We must passionately love the church in spite of its imperfections.” Then, I learnt that “longing for the ideal while criticizing the real is evidence of immaturity. On the other hand, settling for the real without striving for the ideal is complacency [self-contentment; pride]. Maturity is living with the tension [pressure].” I realized that it is very naïve to expect the church to be a perfect place as it is made up of real sinners, including ourselves. I quickly shared this knowledge with my mother and we were both pleased that we have made the right decision with God’s grace. What I had read from that book served as a form of positive reinforcement and explanation from God. Thanks be to God.

Day 2- You are not an accident

2007-11-24T01:11:00.000+08:00

You are alive because God wanted to create you!
God prescribed every single detail of your body. He deliberately chose your race and nationality. He also determined the natural talents you would possess and the uniqueness of your personality.
Many children are unplanned by their parents, but they are not unplanned by God.
(To me, this is the most reassuring and touching part.) God says, "I have carried you since you were born; I have taken care of you from your birth. Even when you are old, I will be the same. Even when your hair has turned grey, I will take care of you. I made you and will take care of you."
- taken from Rick Warren's "The Purpose-Driven Life".
There are indeed certain negative aspects of my personality that I am struggling to accept.
The first one is being egoistic (self-centred). I often tend to be only concerned about my feelings and my preferences or dislikes.
Secondly, I desire to seek righteousness (morality) but I have found that I actually lack the courage to act in righteous ways.
Thirdly, although I try to be compliant (willing to carry out orders without protest) to my mother's every command or wish, I am not hundred per cent sincere or honest to my mother. I find myself not being able to confide with her and there are more things I try to hide from her. In that sense, I don't show enough filial piety.
These are the top three weaknesses that I am conscious and can immediately think of. Of course, I may have other weaknesses that I may not be even aware of. I would like to offer all these weaknesses to the Lord and may the Lord purify me. I want to be more like Him in my words, actions and thoughts. Lord, please have mercy on me and save me.

Day 1- It all starts with God

2007-11-23T21:30:00.000+08:00
On Wed 21 Nov 2007, I started my spiritual journey to search for my purpose in life. (I do not know why this question has been reverberating [echoing] in my head since the beginning of this year.) As I finish reading each chapter of "The Purpose-Driven Life" written by Rick Warren, I will write a blog entry to share with you what I have learnt and my reflections.
Being successful and fulfilling your life's purpose are not at all the same issue!
The Bible says, "Self-sacrifice is the way, my way, to finding yourself, your true self."
To discover your purpose in life, ask God and turn to God's word.
You discover your identity and purpose through a relationship with Jesus Christ.
- taken from Rick Warren's "The Purpose-Driven Life"
I must constantly remind yourself that I'm living for God, not for myself.

赞美敬拜2

2007-11-20T20:15:00.000+08:00

感谢上主派遣圣神引领我顺利地领每一次的赞美敬拜。以下的祷文都是经过歌词、圣经、圣咏及团员们的祷文的启发后而写的。特此把这些祷文上载在我的博客中，希望以另一个媒介光荣天父及主耶稣！

歌曲1：《我的明天由天主掌管》

天空的飞鸟，田间的花草，天主都尚且看顾它们。
我们是天父的可爱子女，天主又怎么会舍弃我们呢？
别再担忧了，让我们把一切事情都交托给天主吧！
…………………………………………………………
的确，我们是一群幸福的羊儿，
因为不管我们的人生道路有多崎岖坎坷，
都有主耶稣与我们相伴同行。
上主是我们的依靠，我们又何须害怕，何须忧虑呢？
让我们安心跟随主耶稣去寻求天主的国吧！
__________________________________
歌曲2：《上主的一切作为》

上主，祢是良善宽仁的，祢的慈爱永远常存。
祢不惜派遣祢的独生子耶稣来救赎我们，使我们得到永生。
祢继而派遣圣神来圣化我们，使我们堪当承受基督的恩许。
上主，祢的工程是多么伟大微妙啊！
我们虽然不能了解祢在我们身上所行的计划，
但我们坚信祢的一切作为，都是为了爱我们！
感谢祢，天主！阿肋路亚！
____________________________________
歌曲3：《应常欢乐》

上主，祢是那样深深地爱着我们，
常赐给我们丰厚的恩宠，是我们旅途的良伴。
我们所拥有的一切都是祢所赐。
让我们怀着一颗感恩的心、喜悦的心，一齐赞颂天主吧！
感谢主，阿肋路亚！
___________________________________

赞美敬拜1

2007-11-20T19:37:00.000+08:00

感谢上主派遣圣神引领我顺利地领每一次的赞美敬拜。以下的祷文都是经过歌词、圣经、圣咏及团员们的祷文的启发后而写的。特此把这些祷文上载在我的博客中，希望以另一个媒介光荣天父及主耶稣！

歌曲1：《善牧的羊儿B》

是的，主耶稣，祢是我们的善牧！
祢知道我们的能力，也了解我们的软弱，却仍然愿意照顾我们，领我们到祢的福地去。
主，求祢住进我们这些卑微羊儿的心，
让我们充满信德，不再忧虑，
勇敢地寻求天主的国，
勇敢地追随祢！Amen!　
＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿
歌曲2：《主恩深深记心中》

主，祢曾说过不是健康的人需要医生，而是有病的人。
祢来不是召叫义人，而是召叫罪人悔改。
感谢祢，主耶稣！
虽然我们时常犯罪，没有遵从祢的旨意，
但是祢从不曾鄙视我们，从不曾遗弃我们。
主耶稣，我们要永远记住这份恩情，
永远称颂祢的宽仁及慈爱！阿肋路亚！
＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿
歌曲3：《除你以外》

主，感谢祢时时刻刻陪伴着我们。
祢天天同我们在一起，直到今世的终结。
无论我们开心或沮丧，祢都寸步不离地陪伴着我们。
除祢以外，我们还能信靠谁？
是的，主，只有祢才能擦干我们的眼泪，
只有祢才能抚慰我们的悲伤，
只有祢才能赐给我们力量！
主，认识祢是我们永远的福份。
除祢以外，我们还能仰赖谁？
＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿
歌曲4：《植在溪畔的树》

天主，认识祢是我们的福份。
我们愿意跟随祢，活出信仰，结出丰盛的果实，
但正如枝条若不留在葡萄树上，凭自己是不能结出果实的；
若我们不住在主内，也是一无所能。
因此，我们的心灵就像那植在溪畔的树，需要祢圣神活水的充满，圣神活水的浇灌，
以让我们按月结果实，光荣天父！
____________________________________
歌曲5：《高唱感恩歌》

因为上主是良善宽仁的，
祂是我们的善牧，是我们力量的泉源，
让我们高声赞美祂，高唱感恩歌吧！
____________________________________

My First Bumboat Ride along Singapore River

2007-11-14T19:34:00.000+08:00

I was truly elated (thrilled) during the bumboat ride and was simply captivated by the beautiful scenery. I actually filmed almost the entire jouney on the bumboat with my digital camera, but what a pity, the video clip was too long (22 mins) and was thus too large to be transferred to my desktop. I had no choice but to delete it. Sigh... Therefore, these are the only memories left.

Although it drizzled a bit when we left our school, we did not meet with a stormy weather when we reached there despite the hovering dark clouds. In fact, the tour guide cum the module instructor commented that we were very blessed to enjoy such an excellent breezy weather. Thank you again, Lord, for answering my prayer.

The Bamboo

2007-11-03T17:18:00.000+08:00

As a teacher, I experienced countless moments of frustration and helplessness. Very often, I wonder whether I am really suitable for this job. However, God never fails to console me when I am on the verge of giving up. The following passage is fully extracted from a leaflet my mother obtained from Church of St. Michael on its Feast Day.

One day, I decided to quit... I quit my job, my relationship, my spirituality... . I wanted to quit my life. I went to the woods to have one last talk with God.

"God," I said, "Can you give me one good reason not to quit?" His answer surprised me.

"Look around you," He said. "Do you see the fern and the bamboo?"

"Yes," I replied.

"When I planted the fern and the bamboo seeds, I took very good care of them. I gave them light. I gave them water. The fern quickly grew from the earth. Its brilliant green covered the floor. Yet nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo. In the second year, the fern grew more vibrant and plentiful. And again, nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo. In the third year, there was still nothing from the bamboo seed. But I would not quit. In the fourth year, again, there was nothing from the bamboo seed. But I would not quit. Then in the fifth year, a tiny sprout emerged from the earth. Compared to the fern, it was seemingly small and insignificant. But just six months later, the bamboo rose to over 100 feet tall. It had spent the five years growing roots. Those roots made it strong and gave it what it needed to survive. I would not give any of my creations a challenge it could not handle."

He said to me, "Did you know, my child, that all this time you have been struggling, you have actually been growing roots. I would not quit on the bamboo. I will never quit on you. Do not compare yourself to others, " He said. "The bamboo has a different purpose than the fern. Yet, they both make the forest beautiful."

"Your time will come," God said to me. "You will rise high!"

"How high should I rise?" I asked.

"How high will the bamboo rise?" He asked in return.

"As high as it can?" I questioned.

"Yes." He said, "Give me glory by rising as high as you can."

I left the forest and brought back this story.

Always remember that God will never give up on you.
Never regret a day in your life;
Good days give you happiness;
Bad days give you experiences;
Both are essential to life.

After SA2

2007-10-22T19:29:00.000+08:00

Finally, I completed all my marking and keying in of marks last Friday afternoon, just before 2pm. It was such a huge relief, like a big burden was removed from my shoulders. I was so tensed in the staff room marking my remaining class test papers that even my surrounding colleagues could feel the immense (great) stress. Anyway, thank you God for giving me the strength and perseverance to accomplish all my work! Thank you, Ms Jow, for tolerating my stern face and sending me caring sms, reminding me to take care of myself. I really appreciate it!

Today, all teachers attended the year-end promotion meeting to discuss who should be retained, laterally transferred or advanced. Of course, I won't write about the details here. This year, there is one pupil retained at 3N in my class. I hope he won't sink into despair forever but instead take this lesson as a wake-up call, realign his priorities in his teenage life and reduce or if possible totally eliminate all negative 'commitments' outside school. Don't do things to destroy your youth and your future!

Overall, I'm heartened that there are quite a number of pupils in my class who really make miraculous improvement in their performance, especially for Mathematics. Their marks for all subjects in this semester show a total increase of as high as over 60 marks. (They are Jasmeet, Teck Siang, Danial, Danyal, Maisurah, Eileen, Nadhirah, Nabiha and Nabil.) To top it all, this semester, Ong Teck Siang has scored an aggregate of 5 points for his best three subjects and he passed English as well. This means that if he maintains this standard or produces better results at next year's GCE 'N' Level examinations, he will have no problem moving up to sec 5. CONGRATULATIONS! KEEP IT UP!

苦恋

2007-10-12T18:13:00.000+08:00

你说你感到万分沮丧，甚至开始怀疑人生？－《梦醒时分》的歌词

这两句话正是我的朋友此时心情的真实写照。她正在暗恋中。她常跟我诉苦说感觉自己像个黑市情人一样，偷偷摸摸的，完全没有尊颜。她心仪的对象虽然时常鼓励她振作并要满怀希望地生活下去，但有时却在她面前摆出一副严肃的样子，也从来没有叫过她的名字，更很少主动跟她搭讪。反而，他却经常主动和别的女人聊天，也很亲切地以她们的名字称呼她们。我的朋友看到这些场面时，也只能默默地忍受下来，不能吭声，把所有郁闷累积在心中，还要装作若无其事一样。其实，她不要求太多，只希望他能正视瞧她一眼，呼唤她的名字，与她搭讪，就好像他跟其他女人大大方方地谈天一样。难道连这点他也做不到吗？
我再也不知道该怎样安慰她了... ...

忍一时风平浪静，退一步海阔天空

2007-10-05T18:11:00.000+08:00

所谓“经一事，长一智”，那天在图书馆所发生的事真的让我彻底明白“忍一时风平浪静，退一步海阔天空”的真正意义。

我正在图书馆教两位学生英文，却被一位‘女士’指责道：“如果你们要讲话，请到咖啡厅去。”我心想谁不知道咖啡厅里好说话，但需要花钱买那里的东西吃，人家才给你坐嘛！我自问我们说话的声量又不大，若真的干扰到别人的话，早就被人讲了！因此，我没向她道歉，也没离开座位，继续压低声音教我的学生。我只是提醒学生甲说话小声点吧了！

后来，学生甲的一大群朋友来到图书馆。学生甲当然把刚才被骂的那件事告诉他的朋友。学生乙听了，有点愤愤不平地问是哪一位。这下遭了，那位‘女士’听到他们之间的谈话，开始以不悦的语气回应我们，还问我的学生是从哪个学校来的。双方差点要吵了起来。我赶紧把那一大群学生赶走，只让一位学生留在图书馆里面等我。

回到家时，自我反省了一阵子，发现除了我的学生的语气有待改善之外，其实我也有错。那名‘女士’连一点杂声都不能忍受，分明是一个小人嘛！遇到这种小人，我应该立刻退避三舍，但我却不甘愿离开原位，不甘心让她称心如意。我只是默默地忍受着那名‘女士’，而没有做到“退一步”的境界，结果就差一点造成一场大风波。顿时，我了解到保持沉默来息事宁人是不够的，有时你必须进一步舍弃自己，谦卑自己，真正做到退让的阶段，以换取和平。身为老师的我更应该在这方面多多努力。

3/3's 'Make-over'

2007-09-13T18:29:00.000+08:00
I heeded Mdm Chng's advice to rearrange some pupils' seats (Louie and friends' seats). At first, I arranged for them but there was so much resentment (bitter anger) among the pupils, even the Chinese girls. I asked Guan Zhou to put his table in a straight row and he simply refused to budge (move very slightly). I lost my patience and pulled his table apart from the rest violently, with all his worksheets and books scattered onto the floor. Of course, he was very "buay song".

Then, it dawned (emerged) on me that they would forever be not happy with my arrangement. I was really frustrated and rather clueless what to do! (I am really tired of changing pupils' seating arrangement and in the end, gradually observing them reverting to the original plan they like, "inch by inch".) Then, suddenly, I felt that it's time for my pupils to take ownership of the class, however mischievous some of the boys are. I just laid down two conditions before I gave them the remaining 15 minutes to discuss the seating arrangement among themselves: it must help them to be able to focus more during lessons and it must be fair to every body. Then, I was so depressed and pissed off as I walked out of the classroom.

Back in the staffroom, I simply had no mood to do anything. I just lied on my table and reflected on my teaching ability. Of course, I also turned to God for help.

Around 1.30pm, I waited outside 3/3 classroom for the last lesson to end. Now, all my pupils are now gathered to the front. They rather squeeze to the front with their friends, leaving a large empty space behind the classroom. Louie and friends sat in one row near the window, facing the whole class. Initially, I was not very happy that some boys whom I wanted to separate still sit in pairs or threes. But for a moment, I thought the class looks so much closer together instead of the usual distinct five groups and I thought to myself, "Not bad."

I asked the class to give ten reasons to convince me to adopt their preferred seating arrangement. They could! In fact, they came out with ten over reasons, excluding a few lame ones, of course, such as 'can throw litter over the window'. :< Well, I feel relieved that most of them commented that they now could see and concentrate better. Some teachers also gave similar positive comments.

This is the first time I learn not to be so dictatorial (authoritative; loves to command) in the class and to give my pupils some freedom and independence in shaping their own classroom environment. 3/3, I hope that you will be more attentive during lessons after this change in seating arrangement because if not, you are going to bear the consequences of your joint decision.

Healing from God (based on Mother Mary)

2007-09-08T20:44:00.000+08:00

I've long wanted to tell all of you this, but I have been soo... bogged down by work: training pupils for the National Bilingual Speech competition, attending a 3 full days Special Needs course at NIE, setting 3N exam papers and then 3 days of 'N' levels invigilation during the September break!

The next day after my entry about losing hope and strength as a teacher due to 4/4, I was immediately comforted by God during the homily of the Assumption of Mary mass. Father Thomas mentioned that all of us, including Mother Mary, have to accept our own set of strengths and weaknesses before we can fulfill God's mission. He also added that we need to stay hopeful despite setbacks or failures so that we can reach the perfection stage one day, and this day CAN HAPPEN IN OUR CURRENT LIFE!

I felt so touched by Jesus's love for me and was once again assured of his omnipotent (mighty; powerful) presence in my life. Really, nowadays, the Lord is my refuge (a shelter; a safe place) and He comforts and encourages me before I even have the time to talk to Him. The Lord is really magnificent and compassionate! I'm glad that I can sense his presence more acutely (sharply; conspicuously) than before. Alleluia! Praise be to the Lord!

4/4- Bane of my teaching career

2007-08-14T18:41:00.000+08:00
4/4 IS REALLY DRIVING ME CRAZY THESE DAYS! (Of course, not all of them, but unfortunately only a small handful of them are cooperative: Teck Lee, Wei Fah, Danial, Yin Han, maybe Haikarl, Fazlun and friends. That's about all. :<) Jun Xian's big group of supporters is really getting on my nerves. They insisted on sticking together and yet refused to pay attention to my explanation. They still talked to each other as if there was no teacher present! When I asked them whether there was any relief teacher for yesterday's English lesson as I was absent, Jun Xian even remarked that it made no difference whether I was here for lesson or not. I was simply infuriated! Even Liying and Jeslyn are becoming less focused although Liying claimed that she did her corrections. I normally trusted Liying and rarely monitored her but I had to ask her today whether she wrote the correct answers.

Towards the last 10 minutes, all the pupils went back to their seats to put down their notes and THEY DECLARED END OF LESSON before I could even say anything. Some of them even attempted to walk out of the classroom before the bell rang. I was going to briefly go through one more complaint model letter but did you guys give me any chance to say so? Absolutely NO! Your body language preceded everything I intended to do! Is that the right kind of attitude you have just before your prelims? I plunged into utter despair!

I loathed myself for treating 4/4 'nicely' initially and giving them certain privileges. Now, they are taking advantage of me, just because I was not as firm as other teachers. BUT 4/4, DO YOU KNOW YOU ARE USING YOUR PRELIMS AND EVEN 'N' LEVEL ENGLISH RESULTS AS YOUR STAKE FOR MISBEHAVING or going against me? You are the ones to give up on yourself first through your misbehaviour and I'm getting weary of handling you...

After leaving 4/4, my temper inevitably rose again as I walked along the corridor of the 3N classrooms, chasing each 'stray' 3/3 pupil back into the classroom, quite a usual routine for me actually, but I couldn't keep my emotions in control and subconsciously raised my voice in an attempt to COMMAND THEM TO GO IN!

3/3, pardon me for being suddenly so fierce! I know Syafiqah noticed me suddenly flaring up today without no seemingly valid reason. Part of the reason why I scolded Eileen so harshly for changing pictures for the class oral task also began with my self-resentment in my treatment to 4/4. I really can't stop fearing that 3/3 might one day turn out to be another 4/4: rude, disrespectful, contemptuous and unmotivated in your studies TO THAT EXTENT!

Sometimes, I wonder am I fit to be a teacher? Currently, there's nothing in my teaching job that I can be proud of... I'm weakening... I'm losing hope...

Homeroom on 8 Aug

2007-08-10T01:49:00.000+08:00

On 8 Aug, during Homeroom period, I decided to play My Teacher is a Gangster 2 episode 4. I really feel greatly inspired each time I watch this drama series and the show always rekindles my passion to be a teacher, especially to be a teacher of NA pupils.

Through this episode, I hope to make my pupils realize that every one of them has a bright future ahead of them even though they might not have any ambition right now, therefore they shouldn't give up on themselves.

The VCD that I have only contains Chinese subtitles, so I attempted to overcome this problem by trying to translate the main parts of the plot and the important learning points to English in order to enable the non-Chinese pupils to at least have a slight idea of the show. I hope my translation has been useful.

I was glad that quite a number of my pupils seemed to be enthralled (captivated) by the show, especially Teng Wee, Kevin, Jackson, Xiu Guang, Kuang Sheng, Agnes Lim and even Syafiq. Syafiq even shifted from the last row to the second last row. Although Jasmeet said something hurtful in the middle of my translation that really annoyed me, under Hui Xiang's encouragement, I continued to explain the show after scolding Jasmeet. Thank you, Hui Xiang, for showing great interest in the show and even trying to promote this show to his other friends who were standing outside the classroom.

I wonder how many of you have been touched by this show…

What makes a genius or a successful person?

2007-07-22T00:34:00.000+08:00

这世界上真正能成功的人，不见得是最聪明的，也不见得是学历最高的，而是最能面对问题、锲而不舍的人。－刘墉《做个快乐读书人》
English translation:
A really successful person is neither one who is the cleverest, nor is the one with the highest academic qualifications. Instead, a successful person is one who makes steady and consistent efforts in confronting his / her problems.

谁坚持得久，谁就是天才；谁自己要强，谁就是天才！－刘墉《做个快乐读书人》
English translation:
You are a genius if you persevere the longest.
You are a genius if you want to be strong.

The Day I Overslept :<

2007-07-09T19:34:00.000+08:00
Today was my most sinful day as a teacher! Instead of being woken up by my “菊花台”ringtone alarm, I was woken up at 9 plus by my “大长今”ringtone, which I set for phone calls. (I place my handphone beside me on my bed to wake myself up. Usually, this method works better for me than alarm clocks because of the phone's vibration.)

That ringtone suddenly became a nightmare to me as I opened my eyes and recalled that today was a Monday, a SCHOOL DAY! All my drowsiness instantaneously disappeared and I quickly looked at the number of the incoming call. It was from General Office! Shit! I didn't bother to answer the call as I was panicky! At the same time, I received Sin Yi's sms, saying that she felt terribly uncomfortable in the canteen's toilet. Oh dear! I was not even physically in school YET! As I quickly washed up and got dressed, I was reproaching myself for being late, for being unable to attend to Sin Yi and at the same time, quite worried for her condition.

I was in time for my 3/5 lesson, which started at 10 o'clock. I had to conduct the lesson in a rather husky voice as I had not eaten or had barely drunk anything. (Of course, I deserved it!)Later, I found out that Sin Yi did not even request to go home and rest. She must have been feeling terribly sick the whole day...

The whole school seemed to know about it as the teachers and HODs were surprised to see me as they thought I was on mc or was away for a medical appointment, and they all enquired whether I was ok. I just vaguely replied, "Ya, ya, I'm ok." I urged them silently: I'm already remorseful. Please stop probing or showing "acts of concern" to save me from further embarrassment, ok?!

I guess this is one of the pains of growing up! My students often felt nothing when they overslept and did not come to school. At the most, I just call their parents up and they receive nagging from me and their parents. Things are so simple for them! How I envy you guys! But once you become an adult, such seemingly minor mistakes can become one of the worst sins as you are then loaded with RESPONSIBILITIES and GREAT EXPECTATIONS to fulfill, failing which, you will then need to experience a whole lot of negative implications and consequences. I'm not exaggerating, my dear students! This is REAL in the working world! So while you are still young, correct all your mistakes and don't let them become your habits.

Belated Youth Day Message

2007-07-09T19:12:00.000+08:00

Dedicated to all my current 3N students (though I only have the opportunity to show it to my form class),

You can never guess how thankful and blessed I am to be your teacher!
Because of you guys, I feel happy in this school!
Because of you guys, I find my worth as a teacher.
Because of you guys, I learn more things about teenage culture.
Because of you guys, I GROW in a myriad of ways.
Many thanks to all of you! You've enriched my life and have added more meaning to my existence.
You are my sunshine!
HAPPY YOUTH DAY!

God's message to me

2007-06-18T19:08:00.000+08:00
After I blogged about my relationship with my mother, as usual during my weekly charismatic session, I heard someone said the following in Mandarin,

"You only have ONE biological mother and father. Be sure to treat them well before they leave this world."

At that very instant, I knew this message was from God to me. Though it sounds very cliche, I feel that it is a tremendously useful reminder for me, and for all of us reading this entry right now!
Thanks be to God! :>

How to love without conditions?

2007-06-06T03:16:00.000+08:00

When you love without conditions, you support the freedom of others to choose
their own way, even when you disagree with them. You trust them to make the best
choice for them. You trust God's plan for their awakening. You know that they
can never make a mistake that will cut them off from God's love or your own.
- Paul Ferrini
How I wish my mother could apply this principle!

Empathy

2007-06-06T02:13:00.000+08:00

Today, my mum said that she hated me. She once again said that she resented seeing me because she felt that I resemble my 'wunsan' (you need to read this word in Cantonese) dad more and more.

This is not the first time. Ever since that 'wunsan' unrepentant dad left, my mum keeps making this remark. Tears welled up in my eyes. In the past, she wouldn't say that to me unless I made a severe mistake that had greatly disappointed her. But nowadays, she often makes this remark at the slightest mistake I make or even when I do not do anything wrong. I felt immense pain. I mean I have always been like my old self. If she finds me clumsy or inefficient at doing household chores or having whatever bad attributes, why didn't she complain about it in the past? Why does she detest me so much now? I am really puzzled.

About a fortnight ago, I prayed to God to restore my relationship with my mother. Soon after, when I attended my weekly charismatic group's activity at St Peter and Paul church, I seemed to receive my answer when Father Thomas, my most revered priest, explained the concept of empathy. He firstly established that empathy is not the same as sympathy. Sympathy means you pity somebody, but you still view yourself and the other party as TWO SEPARATE entities. On the other hand, when you empathise with someone, you can put yourself in the other person's shoes and share exactly the same emotions, thoughts and perspectives as him or her. In other words, you can look at the world from his or her angle, and you will regard yourself and the other party as ONE entity. He also added that we should show empathy towards our family members as we are more aware of our family members’ circumstances. Upon hearing this, I realized that I am also guilty of not showing any empathy towards my mother and I have been too self-centred, always conscious of my own feelings only.

Thereafter, I tried to hold my temper and to remind myself to show empathy to my mother whenever she made any unreasonable remarks again. However, I am unsuccessful and still feel upset or angry each time she criticizes me and her anger towards me is not reduced to any extent either. I do not know why. Either it is because my efforts to control my temper is not evident enough or my mother has been oblivious to my subtle changes in my temperament. I'm not saying that we don't love each other anymore. She still does lots of things for me and still nags at me out of concern and I still pray for her and we still do laugh and chat, but I really don't understand why she increasingly finds it difficult to accept me as her daughter.

Today, I eventually resolved the problem by telling myself that I did not do anything wrong, so there's no reason for me to be angry or upset. I need not feel angry if someone else is at fault. After that, I felt more at ease.

I guess showing empathy towards family members is easier said than done, at least this is true for me, as maybe to a certain extent, I also expect my mother to empathise with me, especially my work condition. When she can't do that, that's when I get disappointed too. I won't expect outsiders to understand my situation, therefore I may be more understanding to others.

Oh dear Lord, I confess I am not capable of showing empathy towards my mother. Perhaps the second divorce and my incorrigible dad has left her an indelible emotional wound. Please heal my mother's emotional wound and grant me the strength, will power and compassion to forgive and understand her. Please help me to die to my selfish self.

P.S. Please kindly leave me a comment after reading this entry. If you are my student, you can try telling me what you can learn from this posting or share with me any similar experiences, ok?

Touched by my pupil's cookie!

2007-05-29T23:08:00.000+08:00

It was a typical meet-parents session on a Saturday morning. When I saw Agnes Ong coming into my classroom, I thought she merely wanted to submit her English file as she was holding it. I asked her to put the file in my locker and to my pleasant surprise, she gave me a big cookie and told me that it was meant for Teacher Appreciation Day (this ‘festival’ suddenly sprang up in my school on the last day of term 2); however, she was not present in school on that day as she was helping out at the National Achiever’s Congress (NAC) at Expo. I accepted her cookie, with much contentment, as I thought to myself, “At last, I get something from my darling 3N pupils.”
In the evening, I spent some time browsing through some of my pupils’ blogs. The more I read, the more fascinated I become! I find those personal entries rather captivating, especially when they talk or complain about incidents happening to them in school. They are really vivid personal recounts, rich with emotions, except that these entries are not in standard English. Ya, I realized my new nickname and the words pupils used to scold me and other teachers behind our backs. It is indeed a great discovery! Don't worry, my dear pupils, I won't breathe a word to anyone in school.

Then, I came across Agnes Ong’s blog and I realized that she purposely went to the food fair at Expo to get Mr Lee and me something special that is not found in Pasir Ris. Wow, I was so touched! Thank you very much, Agnes Ong! Despite the cracked cookie, it really warms my heart to know that you took great effort to show your gratitude towards us, teachers. Once again, thank you very much and the cookie was crispy and delicious!

Tough Love

2007-05-24T21:20:00.000+08:00

“Although being nice can be a worthy attribute to cultivate, it must never deter
us from speaking the truth and from loving in tough ways.” (Extracted from Living Faith)

I have always appeared to my pupils as a nice and friendly teacher, to quote their words, someone who “cannot be fierce one”. It looks like my greatest challenge is to learn how to love my pupils in tough ways, such as by insisting on certain standards. Otherwise, I may end up spoiling them. How I wish I can be as firm as Mr Lee SK.

Joy of reconciliation

2007-05-11T17:54:00.000+08:00
Remember my confidant who sort of let me down in the previous entry? Well, we had not been smiling with each other for a week whenever we saw each other in school. Honestly speaking, I didn't feel good about it. I mean she was once my refuge and had provided me with great timely comfort whenever I was deeply troubled, but how could we become like sworn enemies?

After last Sunday's mass which preached about loving each other as Jesus loves us, I felt strongly encouraged to reconcile with her, but I knew I was weak. I confessed to God that I really found it difficult to so-called forgive her, but I asked God to grant me the strength and the will power to do so because I'm willing to try to reconcile with her. Forget about who's right and who's wrong, I tell myself. Maybe to start with just a smile and that will be enough.

Praise God! On Tuesday when I met her at the canteen, we BOTH smiled with each other, almost at the same time. She even came to me and we had a short chat. After she left, there was a surge of joy flooding into my heart and I thanked God instantaneously for helping me to reconcile with her. I can't believe it! I am capable of forgiving someone! Later on, peace resumes in my heart as I do not need to worry about this strained relationship anymore. Now, whenever we meet each other, we'll say hello to each other naturally. God has repaired our relationship! Thanks be to God!

Why I create this blog

2007-05-06T00:22:00.000+08:00

Recently, someone whom I used to confide with in school has made me very disappointed. I lose trust in her though I think she never divulges my secret. However, I still feel the desire to communicate with someone out there, despite the fact that I don't quite trust any adults anymore. Inspired by my students' blogs, I decided to create this blog to satisfy my need to pour out all my feelings. Hey, isn't that ironical? I don't really dare to confide with anybody, yet I rather write out everything that happens to me on the web and let the whole world see! Am I mad? I don't know. I just know that I feel better after blogging. That's all I want.

Not only that, I hope that my students would be able to understand me better as a REAL HUMAN BEING, with varied emotions, thoughts and real life struggles. I admit that I'm not a 100% good role model. I do have human weaknesses and am still GROWING UP and LEARNING and MATURING! I may encounter the same problems as you are facing at this stage, my dear students, and if you could feel enlightened in any way by my personal stories, then my blog would have accomplished its most "divine" mission! Hee! Hee!